PFOX (Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays) recently did a stupid little bit of grandstanding by asking the Disney corporation to include ex-gays in their tolerance training. Like you, I was unaware that ex-gays experienced systematic discrimination. I’m not really sure how you’d go about harassing an ex-gay. Would you yell “HEY, NON-FAGGOT!” out your car window at one? Or go up to a woman in a bar and say, “Hey, you don’t look anything like a dyke”?
But, trusting person that I am, I assume that there must be a lot of ex-gay basing if PFOX asks Disney for protection. Thus, I made a little audio documentary about ex-bashing.
Penny Nance, CEO for Concerned Women for America, said, “CWA seeks to protect the individuals who signed the petition from having their support of Referendum 71, their personal information, and the address of their family’s home globally publicized on the Internet by groups with a history of harassment and intimidation against those opposed to the homosexual viewpoint.”
Maureen Richardson, State Director for CWA of Washington, said, “Privacy is a big issue. The people’s right to ‘exercise the legislative power’ through referenda and initiatives will be severely hampered by publicizing names through Internet listings, etc. In a perfect world where others do not wish us harm, public disclosure of citizens’ personal information made available on a referendum or initiative might be acceptable, but in a world where advocates are threatened as I have been, making it easier for predators to access their victims is not necessarily in the public interest and certainly not in the victim’s.”
[/me scratches head and sighs]
We still live in America, right? What I got taught in Civics class was that America meant making your voice heard; about standing up for what you believe in. According to Concerned Women for America, it means shouting “FAGGOT!” from the safety of the shadows so that the rest of country can’t know what an absolute fucking ASSHOLE you are.
It wouldn’t piss me off half as much if CWA didn’t spend its time screaming about traitorous, America-hating liberals who don’t support our brave boys overseas fighting to protect our freedoms. Freedoms? Guess what (he said, ratcheting up the irony) FREEDOM ISN’T FREE. Freedom, or so I’ve been told by people like CWA, means pain and sacrifice. It means doing what’s right no matter how hard it is. It’s about raising your hand and proclaiming, “this, I do believe” and taking the consequences and accepting the responsibility of your actions. It’s not about a bunch of over-privileged white, xtian conservatives cowering before the word “gay” like it was Kyser Soze. We know how prone to violence “teh gays” are. How they go on rampages through Grosse Point and Scarsdale slaughtering all the straight people and having sex with anyone left standing.
Aren’t the greatest Christians the ones who endured the worst torture and persecution? Didn’t Jesus promise that Christians would be hated and reviled. Then fucking step up to the plate, boys and girls. You are pathetic pieces of cowardly shit to turn your back on both Country AND God. Hate gays and blacks and Mexicans and anyone else not like you all you want. Be my guest. But show us your face when you do. Let us see just how bitter, hypocritical and shameful the face of xtianity is. Let us see the face of those who play God while admonishing everyone with in earshot about the hubris and sin of playing God.
If you don’t trust that God will protect you, maybe you should rethink about whether God actually exists.
I haven’t slogged through Paul Schiffer’s website all that much, but, really, how deeply do you have to look to see that anyone that would put out a press release like this is a fucking NUTJOB.
Paul Schiffer, Republican Candidate for Congress in Ohio’s 16th Congressional District, has written legislation to outlaw Barack Obama’s dozens of ‘CZARS’ in the White House. Schiffer promises to introduce this legislation in Congress after election to Congress. Schiffer explained:
“I believe ‘Czars’ are un-American. It started out as almost an inside-the-Beltway joke under Republican Administrations — calling a Presidential adviser a ‘Czar.’ But the idea of Presidential ‘Czars’ has become a worrying trend. If we continue on this path, Presidential over-use of White House ‘Czars’ threatens to weaken America’s democratic system.”
WHUH?
I guess under Reagan it was funny because Reagan hated commies more than Jane Wyman. Thirty years later, though, with an admitted Commie, Socialist, Nazi Muslim in the White House it’s not longer a joke but REALITY.
Making an issue out of czars shows just how far wingnuts will go to avoid talking about issues. Politico today had a story about an RNC FUNdraising meeting that explicitly advocated the use of terrifying the populace with false claims of socialism simply to win elections. Think about the desperation and hatred it takes for some wingnut fucktard to not only want to destroy the President of the United States but to have resort to what can only be described as terrorism. What’s an even bigger stretch is latching onto czars to do it.
If you weren’t home schooled you probably already know that “czars” have nothing to do with Communism. The Communists overthrew the czars. I know I’m burying a good punchline here, but this makes Paul Schiffer a Communist since he’s advocating the overthrow of czars. Such is the sheer, blind stupidity of the wingnut they literally believe that “czar” means “commie”. When confronted with the historical reality they plug their ears and shouting, “LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU.”
I’m not kidding. I called up the xtians at Crosstalk America one afternoon when the czar bullshit got to much. Brannon Howse, a seriously dangerous man, hypnotically chanted
for more than a half hour. I really tried to resist the call of my commie master, but I couldn’t and picked up the phone to defend old Nicholas II. How’d it turn out? Take a listen:
Let’s bear in mind – this guy considers himself to be smart. He’s a thinker.
I can only quote A Fish Called Wanda
Otto: Apes don’t read Plato
Wanda: Yes, they do, Otto, they just don’t understand it.
That said, everybody makes mistakes. Sometimes BIG mistakes. Like putting out a press release claiming to have “written legislation to outlaw Barack Obama’s dozens of ‘CZARS’ in the White House” and posting that legislation…which turns out to be four blank .pdf pages. (noczars.pdf – just in case he actually writes it)
I’m talking to an outfit called Cyber Station USA on Saturday about doing The Hour of Bein’ Good on their internet radio station so I’m going through calls and interviews I’ve done in the past and I’m having such a lovely time I thought I’d share them with you…in alphabetical order
Abie Philbin Bowman Abie Philbin Bowman is an Irish comedian that came through the States to do his show, Jesus: The Guantanamo Years, where Jesus comes back to Earth for the Second Coming Tour and, when he hits the US portion, gets detained as a Middle Eastern-type with no fixed address.
Caller – Are You Out Of Your Mind??
This guy pretty much went postal right off the bat. He said he’d call back but then he never did. S’too bad. He was a lot of fun!
Caller – How Can Jesus Like My Friend’s Fruitcake?
A few shows earlier, Billy Bob talked about how your soul was like a fruitcake and Jesus didn’t have to accept it if he knew it was going to be bad. This kid called up for some clarification.
Caller – The Most Fucked Up Person In The World
This guy called out of nowhere and thought he was playing along. Frankly, I thought I was pushing it too far but the guy was so hooked I couldn’t push it far enough. He finally lost his shit.
Interview Excerpt – Onyx
Onyx is a Wiccan and a tarot card reader out of Buffalo, NY (but she reads via phone, too) who was kind enough to host BBN at her Wiccan coffee shop. The show was a hoot! She’s called a few times and always makes it tough to stay in character. I’m not a big tarot person but she’s damn good.
Interview Excerpt – Roy Zimmerman Roy is truly the heir to Tom Leher, so much so that he got invited to his house. He’s been gracious enough to do two interviews (well, three). This was an in-studio interview and has a live version of Creation Science 101. (And just to be a tad more whorish, check out the Zimmerman/BBN Duet, “Burn Goody Clinton, Burn“.)
Interview Excerpt – Tony Zirkle
Tony tried running for the Republican Primary for Congress in Indiana except he kinda talked to a bunch of neo-Nazis at a lunch celebrating Hitler’s birthday and enjoys talking about the Great Jewish Porn Dragon the corrupts white women into having sex with black guys. That pretty much put him out of the running. Although I’m sure the Nazis voted for him. And he did have a pretty innovative program called Derringers for Dildos, where women could swap their “divorce aids” for guns. Maybe “innovative” is the wrong word.
I know I’m not the most Christian person on the face of the earth…who am I kidding…I’m a fucking Unitarian Universalist. In case you didn’t know, we start of all of our “services” by chanting, “Bibles? We don’t need no steenkin’ bibles!”
But I’ve said too much.
What I meant to say was here’s the beginning of a farewell to gay-bashingest, homo-hating-est, bush-dick-sucking, God-misunderstanding hellbound fucktard still alive today. I look forward to Focus on the Family folding fabulously leaving behind a trail of debts and lawsuits that will make Bleak House seem as short as Bambi Vs. Godzilla.
I know, I Know, I KNOW! But, c’mon. Cut me some slack. Papatard is running for Congress?? HAHAHA! Guess the private money well dried up so it’s time to move on the public sector. Not that he hasn’t been living off the state for awhile, anyway.
Papatard isn’t smart but he does have a certain cunning. But cunning without smarts equals jail. And Papatard knows a lot about that.
Papatard, for someone living off assistance, gained an awful lot of fucking weight over the past year. I never quite understand how folks pull that off. Does public assistance breed gluttony? Also, what happened to the cane he so pathetically waved around at his press conference. The second one that he got thrown in jail after.
For those of you who don’t know Papatard, he claims that he blew Obama in the back of a limo in Chicago in 1999. Oh, and Obama sold him drugs…because he gave the then State Senator the money to buy them. Oh, and that Obama killed three black guys who knew about it. And a bunch of other lies that I forget. Did he ever back any of this up? Of course not. He promised a whole bunch of stuff. He even put up a flowchart that showed a hierarchical map of which of the bloggers paid to torment him reported to whom. I, apparently, had other “paid bloggers” reporting to me. Wish I’d seen ever 5% of the money that I allegedly got because it was rumored to be a lot. It speaks to just how much shit he’s thrown out there the I can’t find it. It’s probably been taken down.
Anywho – Papatard self-published a book-length Penthouse letter about the whole thing (Dear Penthouse: I never thought that I’d be blowing a state senator…) and, not surprisingly, the “publishing company” shut down recently. I guess if you own a publishing firm you’re not supposed to mooch off government agencies. It speaks to just how cruel people can be to the handicapped when they report Papatard for such misdeeds. SHAME! Yet another persecution of the only honest man in America that went to prison three times and ran drugs and humans across the border.
Which is why, I assume, he’s running for Congress.
You’d be forgiven if you thought this post represented another flare-up of my Papatard fixation but you’d be wrong. In my last post someone commented that trying to understand wingnuts makes your head explode. I’m not sure why mine hasn’t but maybe the exception proves the rule. The thing is that in some odd, alternate universe, Papatard shines forth as the brightest star in the wingnut sky.
To Wit:
Family Values – This is a catch-all euphemism for hating gays and non-white people. Non-white people? When did it turn into a race thing? Wingnuts understand that Family Values is not just about non-propagation through, effectively, onanism. Yes, spilling your seed outside of a vagina and/or allowing something into your vagina that would not result in pregnancy makes Jesus cry. And, yes, not believing in Jesus means that you’re most likely a pedophile. But it also means that you belong to a race class of people that understand those rules, don’t live off the state and don’t sneak across the border to steal church pews from hard working Americans in direct contradiction for the Nth Commandment. It’s a proven fact – Jesus loves the unemployed, unwed, coke addicted, white single mother more than the unemployed, unwed, crack addicted, black or latina single mother. That’s why, as an unemployed, unwed, drug using, homosexual of Mexican descent, so many wingnuts flocked to Papatard.
Law And Order – Papatard did three separate bids in the Big House for fraud. In Papatard-speak, these represent “bad life choices”…that he made over and over and over again. He transported drugs. He transported people. He stole. If you listen to him talk about it, he sounds almost proud of it all. It’s like some fucked up variation on Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing”. More to the point, in Papatard’s Bizzaro-World wired head, being the “most vetted candidate” means he should win. Because he’s taken responsibility for his “bad life choices”. By this logic, the only person that could beat him in this election is Stalin. Since Stalin committed worse crimes than Papatard, he’s the better candidate. Thankfully, Stalin is dead.
Character – Pretty much a re-working of the Law and Order section. You can trust Papatard because he’s been such a scumbag. You can trust Papatard because he trusts no one. Especially Joe Biden, who he claimed tried to force a special law through Congress to be signed by bush specifically meant to persecute Papatard. Such a brave, brave man standing up to power like that!
Anti-Government – Congress makes too much money. They feed off the American people like leeches with their big-time salaries and top-tier health care and nice offices and free plane trips. They bleed us dry and don’t leave enough money for people like Papatard to draw disability and social security from! FAIL!
Sexual Orientation – Papatard likes to play coy on whether he’s gay or bi-sexual. He’s not quite as coy on whether he swallows or not. He does. This makes him pretty the capo di tutti capo or teabaggers. Experience, after all, counts for a lot
It’s hard to imagine some other career criminal that could orchestrate a semi-serious bid for national (or even local) elected office. And when I say “career criminal” I don’t mean “white collar career criminal”. They’re already elected. Why, then, does even one person in the United States of America take Papatard seriously?
This, I think, is the key to the teabagging wingnuts brain: Papatard is such a scumbag that he has to be honest. He admitted to all of this horrible stuff about himself* – why would he lie to us? To put it another way – if someone you disagree claims a statement is false, that’s proof that it’s true. Thus, if a liberal like myself presents any evidence factually refuting Papatard or death panels or any such issue then the facts I cite are fake. Even if they’re backed up by multiple sources since those multiple sources belong to the conspiracy against America.
To put it another way – Only liars can be trusted not to lie.
It’s pushing it a bit to far to claim that teabaggers and wingnuts learned this trick from Papatard. But in terms of de facto stonewalling and la-la-la-I-can’t-hear-you-ism, many of these same folks got their intro to teabagging via Papatard.
Honestly, if I weren’t flat broke (hint – see that tip jar at the top of my blog? Use it!) I’d be donating to Papatard’s campaign. I have always believed that the rest of America needs to see these dangerous assholes rather than sweeping them under the rug. I don’t always agree with MSNBC and Olbermann continues to tread the line between slightly unreasonable and unbearably pompous, but they don’t shy away from presenting these hypocrites in their natural environment. Perhaps I’m too much of an anarchist, but liberals should allow the wingnuts to win the culture war. Let them show average Americans what a theocracy actually feels like. It’ll take four to six years of fascism for them to understand the mistake they’ve made. And then we can get some actual, permanent change in America.
*Note – Most of what he admitted to got dragged out of him. Rarely has he offered up information not found out by others first.
Some wingnut moran posted the following video of Hitler ranting and raving, whipping up a crowd into a murderous frenzy.
Somehow, this is supposed to be Obama. Because Obama is so angry and emotional and people who support him all want to kill Jews. The Hitler analogy doesn’t make sense to those who do things like…I don’t know…read or watch the History Channel. It doesn’t matter to wingnuts, though. Bad is bad > Hitler is bad > Obama is bad > Obama is Hitler.
It seems to have gotten to a point where some brainless fucktard that doesn’t understand that you can’t blame Obama for getting you fired before Obama even announced his intention to run, can throw up some video of Hitler and not even bother to read the text and still claim Obama is Hitler. Because anything Hitler says MUST be something that Obama said.
Right?
Not so much.
Since when our party was just seven men, we already spoke two solid phrases: First, it wanted to be a true world view party. And, hence, secondly, you uncompromisingly wanted the only and sole power in Germany. It wasn’t the intellectuals who gave me the courage to undertake this task….I found the courage because I encountered two classes. Country people and German workers.
Hm. Weird.
Let me if i can paraphrase this – A small bunch of guys, pissed of at the intellectuals, got together to figure out how rip down the existing power structure and “take back the country” by forcing out the people they considered evil. The took their message to the poor country folk and the workers pissed off about the economy and stirred them to action. And they really, really disliked Jews, Blacks, Gays and Gypsies…and tramps and thieves. Once roused and enraged, they took pride in the fact that they were an angry mob. They used physical intimidation and brutality to get their way. They shouted down their opponents.
As always, your mileage may vary, but I’m not sure this describes Obama or any of his supporters. Indeed, this sounds more like the average teabagger, shouting down people in wheelchairs, carrying Obama monkeys, carrying nooses and guns to health care town halls.
You know – I realize that I tend to shit on xtians here. Let me again remind you that xtians aren’t Christians. Christians believe that Jesus died to save the world from sin. They believe that He walked among us calling for peace, love and tolerance, healing the sick, and telling people not to act like assholes.
xtians believe that Jesus believed in free market economy, that the poor (especially the non-white poor) were leaches and fuck the sick. xtians lie through their stubby teeth ground down from years of gnawing on the bones of the suckers who donate money to their mega-churches.
Most, but not all of them, suffer from a psychosis that renders them incapable of seeing the world anything less than a festering pit of sin that God will destroy because everyone in it (except them, of course) sucks. Sure, when backed into a corner, they’ll claim that they, too, need salvation. But they don’t really mean it. They know God really likes them best and the rest of us will roast.
In the movie, True Romance, Christopher Walken (as a crime boss) has an amazing scene where he tells Dennis Hopper about the 17 pantomimes that every liar plays. That kept going through my head as I listened to Tony “Not The Gay Guy That Killed Janet Leigh In Psycho” Perkins sound so unbelievably since in his agreement with Obama that the country needs unity.
HUH? Perkins who spouts the most miserable characterizations of the President of the United States (remember, dissent is no longer treason anymore) agrees with him on something. That just can’t be true! Well, listen for yourself!
He’s so reasonable! Kind, calm, thoughtful. He agrees that Obama seems headed on the right track. However, no sooner does he say that then the pivoting starts. “Unity” can’t be achieved since…well, Obama is a scumbag that wants to destroy America BUT if we change “Unity” to “Civility” it’s kind of the same thing so he still agrees with the POTUS. He’s just a man that loves God on an island reasonableness stuck in a stinking sea of Satanists.
He still agrees that Obama’s call for Unity Civility only helps the country. Notice how in this part how he continues this “hat in hand” bit. Yes, the democrats won the election. He’s an American. He believes in democracy. Oh, yeah, and civility. The US used to be a Godly country and now it’s run by…well, maybe not Satan but at least his advance guard. Perkins knows that in this new America sooner or later, Christians will get their throats cut because believing in God is “controversial”. “It’s ok,” he assures us. He “gets it”. I love God. The US hates me. No biggee!
Tony Perkins, during his time in the House, got along with everybody! Just because he believed in God and everyone else didn’t…that didn’t mean that they all couldn’t hang out together. Why? Because he doesn’t hate. At all. Yes, homosexuals want to rape children in bathrooms. Yes, the only reason that we have AIDS is because gays and Democrats aren’t shipped off and quarantined from 10% of Americans that go to church regularly. Yes, the fictitious “homosexual agenda” runs our schools teaching our kids to like homosexuals rather than beat the living shit out of them the way they deserve. And, yes, gay people (with the help of Obama) want to pass laws that will make heterosexuals get divorces and force them to marry gay people. BUT – he doesn’t hate them. He prays for them. What’s so bad about praying for a group of people that want to destroy the American way of life and kill God? Answer: nothing.
Ok, with Perkins’ “God is Love” bona fides, firmly in place, it’s time to re-affirm that Obama’s basic message of Unity Civility can be gotten behind. However…Obama still likes that homosexuals that that want to destroy the American way of life and kill God and even wants to help them. That’s a problem. And it shows up in the way he poo-poos and twists the meaning of the good work that xtians want to do in Uganda with killing gay people. “Oh, you silly gays and liberals”, he intones, “we…errrr…the Ugandans don’t want to kill gay people. They simply want to kill any gay person capable of killing an innocent person because of their gayness. See, only gays have AIDS. When gays have sex they transmit AIDS. A lot of times to children…poor orphaned children! AIDS kills people. So whenever a gay guy (because it’s never lesbians with these folks) has sex, he’s killed someone, which is to say, he commits murder. So Obama condones murder and…well…how can you reason with someone that does that?”
Using the above, Perkins, rather abandons the “hat in hand-aww-shucks-we’re-the-underdog” posture and passive-aggressively weasels his way from the oppressed to the victor. You can’t be civil with someone who supports crime. It’s a helluva trick considering that last step.
This is a brilliantly fucked up sentence – “When you have the conflicting world views, you are not going to be able to resolve those simply by calling for civility. Now, again, we treat each other with kindness and speak out of love…”
Hm. Kindness and love almost sound like civility. But it can’t be civility. Because in order to have a civil discussion about homosexuals, Perkins says, “you have to drop the truth” about murderous homosexuals raping children, destroying America and trying to kill God and “friends, that…will…never…work.”
Now. Go back and play the first clip again where he talks about “Unity and Civility” as a “laudable goal”.
Why did it take Perkins a week to get around to talking about Obama’s prayer breakfast speech? Because the shit that he spewed is so complex, targeted and evil that it took that long to write.
On the lame Focus on the FamilyTebow Superbowl ad, they try so hard not to offend Dobson that they can barely talk. They declare victory by trotting out an editorial from a “liberal” columnist who claims that the global warming debate is over. And since the global warming debate is dead, then cap and trade is dead. They repeatedly refer the the editorial as an “article”. Oh. Yeah. And she’s Canadian! Since when did wingnuts start caring about what the rest of the world says? DOH! When they agree with the wingnuts! I forgot that xtians heart moral relativism. Color me embarrassed!
But it gets better! A bill called The Student Non-Discrimination Act got introduced on 1/27/10 that basically says don’t beat up LGBT kids. OR DOES IT??? Well, if you factor in the boy in Fulton, MS that got sent home from school for crossdressing then it all makes sense: if The Student Non-Discrimination Act gets passed it means that KINDERGARTEN BOYS WILL COME TO SCHOOL DRESSED AS GIRLS AND PERFORM HOMOSEXUAL ACTS IN THE CLASSROOM!!! I swear that they will!! How do you even make this shit up? It requires leaps of logic that are…well…biblical. (Me so FUNEE!)
Last but not least comes the best radio ad I’ve ever heard in my life. It’s for a company called Medi-Share (which in the ad sounds like “meta-share” making it harder to find – nice job, copywriters). Medi-Share is “where Christians share each other’s medical expenses much like the early church did 2000yrs ago.” Whoa! Jesus had an HMO? (“Yeaaaaah, I’m sorry, Jesus, but those nail wounds aren’t covered. You can pay out of pocket for them to get sutured or you can let ‘em heal on their own.”) But, like a competently written comedy, you save the punchline for the end. Really. It’s only a minute long. Listen to the whole thing. You won’t be disappointed!
You’ve just spent $57,000 to buy the jacket Sarah Palin wore on the cover of “Goin’ Rouge”. What do you do with it?
A: Give to your wife as a Christmas present
B: Resell it
C: Put it in an unused bathroom
D: Hermetically seal it and keep it at Iron Mountain
The answer is, of course, C. Which is pretty hilarious.
To hear the teabaggers speak of Palin, you’d think that owning her jacket might come close to owning an artifact of some saint – like one of Mother Theresa’s ovararies. But, instead, motivational speaker and xtain, John G. Miller, spent $57,000 to throw it in an unused bathroom.
Hardly a place of honor or respect. In fact, as Miller points out, “I hope that someone doesn’t wash their face and dry it on the jacket!”
Let’s make sure we understand the set up – John G. Miller, father of seven kids, spent $57,000 to buy Sarah Palin’s jacket. It fits his wife “perfectly” but she won’t wear it. Maybe she doesn’t like red. Who knows? Either way, it’s taken out of commission as something useful. It’s been robbed of its purpose. It’s not even special enough to take care of. Instead, it hangs silently in a bathroom, something to take a look at while you’re shitting out today’s lunch. Even a book of bathroom jokes conveys more utility on the owner than Sarah Palin’s jacket. He doesn’t even care enough about it to put it on display in the living room when his wingnut friends come over to pray for God’s removal of Obama from office.
“Hey! What’s that?!”
“Sarah Palin’s jacket. The one she wore on the cover of “Goin’ Rouge.”
“Wow! That’s really inspiring!”
“She’s got such great ideas and I really admire her”
The jacket, like the teabaggers, exists as, literally, an empty suit. It’s not useful. It contributes nothing. It means nothing. It doesn’t show devotion to the cause. Instead, like those who ponied up $400-700 just to show up at the “convention” it simply says “I’m rich enough to be part of a grassroots movement of ‘ordinary’ people.”
It’s placement in the bathroom says the jacket means shit.
