“(Note for the record: I want heroic measures taken to keep me alive, and I demand the immediate arrest of anyone trying to remove my life support.)”-Ann Coulter
It’s little more than a one-room shack. The candles flicker in the drafts that leak through the broken windows and gaps in the logs. Three men huddle over a broken generator while a fourth pumps away on the stationary bike that provides auxiliary power on such occasions. A grim sense of purpose hangs over the room.
“How it’s comin’ with that generator, boys,” grunts the man on the bike. “My legs are startin’ to give out.”
“Hold out as long as you can, TJ,” says a man in a baseball cap that reads “Kill Those Who Kill The Unborn”. “We almost got it. Rush,” he speaks to a seven-year old boy reading the Bible in the corner, “grind up some more rats. She’s gonna need feedin’ soon.”
“’K, Daddy.”
All eyes drift to the center of the shack where she lays like an aging Snow White. The heroic attempt to preserve her in amber until a prince kisses her has left her looking like Norma Desmond in a low budget remake of Sunset Boulevard. Hundreds of bottles of peroxide litter the floor, betraying the heroic attempt to keep her blonde. Garish swaths of red rise from her cheeks like the welts of a battered welfare mother. All but one of her teeth, long since fallen out, lie at the bottom of a bottle of Jack Daniels with the label respectfully removed that sits on the mantle of the fireplace like the Arc of the Covenant. The remaining tooth slowly dissolves in a glass of Coke, a reminder to the seven-year old of the hazards of sugary drinks. The men know that she would approve.
Forty years ago, after the accident, telegrams, flowers and pledges of support flooded her private hospital room. State of the art equipment pinged and beeped and kept her alive. The top doctors in the world worked tirelessly, but to no avail. Brain dead, they said. The humane thing to do was to let her drift into the heaven she so fiercely defended. But, as she said, there was always a hope that she could recover as long she could be kept alive. And she could be kept alive. And she might recover. “Heroic efforts,” it had said.
The question remained. Where had the penny come from? Who had dropped it from the top of the Washington Monument? A child? A spurned lover? Hillary Clinton? The police report called the whole thing a freak occurrence. Quote-unquote experts bored everyone with the physics of trajectory in the vain attempt of quote-unquote proving that even Lee Harvey Oswald could not have purposefully aimed the penny that penetrated her skull.
And, yet, the questioned remained. Why had the doctors disposed of the penny after the operation? What of the business card found at the top of the monument that read “Parallax Corp.”? The child at the top of the monument was home schooled. Videotape showed two lesbians laughing just seconds after she crumpled to a heap on the ground below. And the date – 11/22/03. It all added up to something…something sinister. But what?
Slowly, a conspiracy to sully her reputation erupted. The headlines screamed the news. “Tofu found in her fridge!” A Leo Busclagia book on her bedside table. Lesbian dominatrix porn found on the hard drive of her iBook. Erotic emails between her and Midge Decter. All lies, of course. Slander. Treason. A pathetic attempt to blunt her legacy. Mother Jones called her the “Roy Cohn of the 21st century.” Some fell away, victims of a cowardly smear campaign. Rush Limbaugh, freshly sober again and seemingly on the right track this time, OD’d under suspicious circumstances. Robert Downey Jr. spoke eloquently at his funeral.
Her publishing firm used the occasion to hype her unfinished book “Sodomy: How All Liberals Want To Molest Children And Then Eat Them.” The book, released to lukewarm reviews, stayed on the NYT list for three years provided years of fodder for jokes on late-night talk shows. The vultures had circled and won, it seemed.
But the faithful stayed true. A 24/7 vigil around her bedside. Websites with PayPal donations. As her book fell off the charts, the hospital gently suggested new lodgings. A convalescence home was found. The bills started to pile up. A decade later, with Medicare bankrupt and her bank account drained, the home reluctantly evicted her all but lifeless body. Few remembered her. Many of those who did, did so malevolently. A vegan restaurant had on its menu a yogurt whose base, they claimed, was created on the day of the accident. They called it Cogurt.
For years, the faithful shuttled her from private home to private home. Due to the cost of the electricity needed to keep her alive, these stays lasted until the utility bills came through.
Two decades after the accident, Rush’s old dealer, now clean, sober and committed to Christ, offered his shack in the Ozarks and vowed to continue her care until the end of his life.
“Daddy,” the boy asks as he turns the crank on the meat grinder, “how long we gonna keep this up? I mean –“
His father cuts him off with a glare.
“’Til she’s better, Rush. Ya know that. ‘Til she’s better.”
Folks, I hate to tell you this. I know this is an atheist and liberal leaning podcast and, really, it pains me to tell you this, but Jesus will be the next president of the United States. And not the historical meek and mild, turn-the-other-cheek Jesus. The Jesus that rips off your head and shits down your neck.. So…make plans now. And even if you plan to risk it, start investing in bible companies. Or, better yet, wood and nail companies cuz there’s gonna be a whole lotta crucifying going on.
I don’t need to tell you that America is fucked. You already know that. Right-wing astroturf groups posing as Christian Patriots have, in the course of two years, changed the political map of the United States of America. It’s not that there’s a lot of them. It’s not that anybody honestly believes anything that say. How, then did they get to where they are? How did, as just happened in 9.12, what in any other time period of American History would have been termed a Republican Primary Debate for President of the United States, get advertised as a “Tea Party Debate”?
The answer is obvious yet not in an obvious way – Money.
When I say money, I don’t mean that the Tea Party drove a truck up to CNN in Atlanta and dumped a cargo of cash on their doorstep. Not at all. Rather, CNN, whose ratings sleep with the fishes, needed some kind of sexy name to get people to actually watch it again. And so, in the name of profit, they handed legitimacy to a far right, nearly fascist group of Americans that want nothing more than to ship anyone who doesn’t buy into their vision of “freedom” off to work camps.
You’re finding this hyperbolic, aren’t you.You’re thinking that he’s just a whiny little liberal in the US that invested in a wood and nail company and wants a good return on his investment.You’re only half-right
Consider one of the biggest of the Tea Party money making machines – Tea Party Nation. Tea Party Nation recently “published” an article on its Fibsite entitled “Conservative Socialists.” You read that right.Conservative Socialists. What, exactly, is a conservative socialist? According to Tea Party Nation “They endorse the idea that we should silence people who do not agree with the party line..” It should be pretty obvious that the rest of the article calls for…well… silencing people who do not agree with the Tea Party line. Even a year ago, teabaggers wouldn’t dare to call other republicans “socialists.” They called them a lot of other names like RINO (which stands for Republican In Name Only. They might, on certain occasions, call them traitors. But to pull out the stops and treat them like Democrats portends a show of force that…let’s just say there’s a beerhall involved. And it’s shitty American beer.
According to a Quinnipiac poll only 13% of US voters consider themselves teabaggers. Thus, CNN saw fit re-label a previously Republican debate to cater to a very small sliver of the populace.
Why?
Because the Tea Party means ratings. It means completely fucking insane individuals like Rick Santorum who compared homosexuality to man-on-dog sex. It mean Michelle Bachman who believes Congress people should have their loyalty investigated and tested. It mean Herman Cain who thinks all bills should be less than three pages long. It mean Ron Paul and his pack of sycophants applauding when he says a that the US doesn’t need to regulate the car companies because Americans know how to buy a safe car. It gives Newt Gingrich, as man who divorced two wives while they were in the hospital and prosecuted Bill Clinton for having an affair WHILE HE HIMSELF WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR any platform to speak at all.
In other words, this isn’t so much a debate as The Jersey Shore starring people with more education.Please note, I didn’t say “smarter”.
CNN should be ashamed for whoring itself out so badly. But, they probably got paid well for it. Anyway, I stopped watching CNN when they became the Missing White Girl network with their coverage of an over-privileged white girl gone missing on a high-school graduation party in Aruba paid for by her divorced parents. CNN then disbanded the whole Headine News channel to make way for whole programs devoted to missing white girls. CNN is a cancer on America. Let me correct that. They’re not even important enough to be cancer. They’re cells that turn INTO cancer infecting the rest of the body of America. In some backroom, Ted Turner sits smoking a cigar and masturbating to Jane Fonda work out tapes while toadies throw out ideas on how to keep him in VCRs. Frequently, an ejaculation can be followed by a YESSSSSSSSS and the next thing you know, the Republican debate becomes a Tea Party debate.
Two final ironies -
The first – when the Tea Party speaks of the Lame Stream Media, they mean CNN. CNN is the enemy. For CNN to rename the debate to suck up to people that hate them…that’s like Clarisse Starling from Silence of the Lambs naming her summerhome Chez Lecter. It doesn’t make sense.
Lastly, and the whole reason for this – Neither CNN nor the Democratic Party would ever in a thousand years agree to rename a Democratic Debate a “Green Party” debate. CNN would lose any credibility it had and the Tea Party (who they’d just swallowed for) would scream about liberal bias in the media. As it stands, the Tea Party does this with any positive mention of a Democrat. And the Democratic party – well, it has no balls left and barely means anything anymore.The moment any pundit in America ties “liberal” and “democrat” together, the Democratic party crawls into its turtle shell and denies it.They are so scared of the right’s continuing demonization of them they can’t even pass Universal Healthcare will full control of the government and the backing of the American people.
The problem in America today is NOT polarization, as many like to claim. It’s LACK of polarization. If Democrats ever grow their balls back (and I doubt they will) they would not only embrace the moniker “socialist” but actually tell the truth loud and clear that we are already a socialist country. How we, in the best Christian tradition, want to screw the poor while handing out four billion dollars in subsidies to oil companies that already make record profits and, in some cases, pay no taxes.Obama claimed he would walk the picket line while he was campaigning but, when given the chance, demurred.Unions, after all, are socialist and pictures of the President supporting something he clams to believe in…it may play to the base but why risk it? Meanwhile, over on the other side, Republicans embrace anyone with any crackpot theory with a voice loud enough to shout down a Congress person at a townhall meeting? You would like to think that if someone accepted the endorsement of a person claimed that God sent Hitler to get the Jews back to Israel, that candidacy would be over. You’re wrong. John McCain still went on to lose his shot at the office.
And that is why Jesus will be the next president of the United States.
Folks, I hate to tell you this. I know this is an atheist and liberal leaning podcast and, really, it pains me to tell you this, but Jesus will be the next president of the United States. And not the historical meek and mild, turn-the-other-cheek Jesus. The Jesus that rips off your head and shits down your neck.. So…make plans now. And even if you plan to risk it, start investing in bible companies. Or, better yet, wood and nail companies cuz there’s gonna be a whole lotta crucifying going on.
I don’t need to tell you that America is fucked. You already know that. Right-wing astroturf groups posing as Christian Patriots have, in the course of two years, changed the political map of the United States of America. It’s not that there’s a lot of them. It’s not that anybody honestly believes anything that say. How, then did they get to where they are? How did, as just happened in 9.12, what in any other time period of American History would have been termed a Republican Primary Debate for President of the United States, get advertised as a “Tea Party Debate”?
The answer is obvious yet not in an obvious way – Money.
When I say money, I don’t mean that the Tea Party drove a truck up to CNN in Atlanta and dumped a cargo of cash on their doorstep. Not at all. Rather, CNN, whose ratings sleep with the fishes, needed some kind of sexy name to get people to actually watch it again. And so, in the name of profit, they handed legitimacy to a far right, nearly fascist group of Americans that want nothing more than to ship anyone who doesn’t buy into their vision of “freedom” off to work camps.
You’re finding this hyperbolic, aren’t you. You’re thinking that he’s just a whiny little liberal in the US that invested in a wood and nail company and wants a good return on his investment. You’re only half-right
Consider one of the biggest of the Tea Party money making machines – Tea Party Nation. Tea Party Nation recently “published” an article on its Fibsite entitled “Conservative Socialists.” You read that right. Conservative Socialists. What, exactly, is a conservative socialist? According to Tea Party Nation “They endorse the idea that we should silence people who do not agree with the party line..” It should be pretty obvious that the rest of the article calls for…well… silencing people who do not agree with the Tea Party line. Even a year ago, teabaggers wouldn’t dare to call other republicans “socialists.” They called them a lot of other names like RINO (which stands for Republican In Name Only. They might, on certain occasions, call them traitors. But to pull out the stops and treat them like Democrats portends a show of force that…let’s just say there’s a beerhall involved. And it’s shitty American beer.
According to a Quinnipiac poll only 13% of US voters consider themselves teabaggers. Thus, CNN saw fit re-label a previously Republican debate to cater to a very small sliver of the populace.
Why?
Because the Tea Party means ratings. It means completely fucking insane individuals like Rick Santorum who compared homosexuality to man-on-dog sex. It mean Michelle Bachman who believes Congress people should have their loyalty investigated and tested. It mean Herman Cain who thinks all bills should be less than three pages long. It mean Ron Paul and his pack of sycophants applauding when he says a that the US doesn’t need to regulate the car companies because Americans know how to buy a safe car. It gives Newt Gingrich, as man who divorced two wives while they were in the hospital and prosecuted Bill Clinton for having an affair WHILE HE HIMSELF WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR any platform to speak at all.
In other words, this isn’t so much a debate as The Jersey Shore starring people with more education. Please note, I didn’t say “smarter”.
CNN should be ashamed for whoring itself out so badly. But, they probably got paid well for it. Anyway, I stopped watching CNN when they became the Missing White Girl network with their coverage of an over-privileged white girl gone missing on a high-school graduation party in Aruba paid for by her divorced parents. CNN then disbanded the whole Headine News channel to make way for whole programs devoted to missing white girls. CNN is a cancer on America. Let me correct that. They’re not even important enough to be cancer. They’re cells that turn INTO cancer infecting the rest of the body of America. In some backroom, Ted Turner sits smoking a cigar and masturbating to Jane Fonda work out tapes while toadies throw out ideas on how to keep him in VCRs. Frequently, an ejaculation can be followed by a YESSSSSSSSS and the next thing you know, the Republican debate becomes a Tea Party debate.
Two final ironies -
The first – when the Tea Party speaks of the Lame Stream Media, they mean CNN. CNN is the enemy. For CNN to rename the debate to suck up to people that hate them…that’s like Clarisse Starling from Silence of the Lambs naming her summer home Chez Lecter. It doesn’t make sense.
Lastly, and the whole reason for this – Neither CNN nor the Democratic Party would ever in a thousand years agree to rename a Democratic Debate a “Green Party” debate. CNN would lose any credibility it had and the Tea Party (who they’d just swallowed for) would scream about liberal bias in the media. As it stands, the Tea Party does this with any positive mention of a Democrat. And the Democratic party – well, it has no balls left and barely means anything anymore. The moment any pundit in America ties “liberal” and “democrat” together, the Democratic party crawls into its turtle shell and denies it. They are so scared of the right’s continuing demonization of them they can’t even pass Universal Healthcare will full control of the government and the backing of the American people.
The second – The problem in America today is NOT polarization, as many like to claim. It’s LACK of polarization. If Democrats ever grow their balls back (and I doubt they will) they would not only embrace the moniker “socialist” but actually tell the truth loud and clear that we are already a socialist country. How we, in the best Christian tradition, want to screw the poor while handing out four billion dollars in subsidies to oil companies that already make record profits and, in some cases, pay no taxes. Obama claimed he would walk the picket line while he was campaigning but, when given the chance, demurred. Unions, after all, are socialist and pictures of the President supporting something he clams to believe in…it may play to the base but why risk it? Meanwhile, over on the other side, Republicans embrace anyone with any crackpot theory with a voice loud enough to shout down a Congress person at a townhall meeting? You would like to think that if someone accepted the endorsement of a person claimed that God sent Hitler to get the Jews back to Israel, that candidacy would be over. You’re wrong. John McCain still went on to lose his shot at the office.
And that is why Jesus will be the next president of the United States.
I’ve been off Crosstalk for awhile mostly because you can only listen to so much of this shit before I start having fantasies about playing Swimming With Sharks with Vic and the gang.
“Vic. There IS no homosexual agenda. What you claim is
the homosexual agenda was a satirical piece in a gay newspaper
that was read into the Congressional record without the pre-amble.
Say it!”
I’m not ashamed to say it. The lies and rationalizations warrant the harshest treatment imaginable. I heard a guy at an AA meeting once
If you wish good things for a person you hate for a month straight, that person at the end of them month that person will no longer be a problem to you. And it works. Usually, I wish that the person would go to Hell sooner rather than later.
A-fucking-men.
I guess it’s a sign of the times that the 8/5/11 Crosstalk stands out as the quintessential guide to xtianity. It literally shows you everything that’s wrong with this particular brand of SkyDaddy-ism.
Note: All clips are verbatim and not edited. There is one exception that I will flag. I cut out a chunk of crap for the sake of time.
“interesting”. Whenever a VCY host says this (and I’m pretty sure they’re trained on the proper inflection) you know that bitter, Christly sarcasm lurks just around the corner.
“fiiiive yeeee-ers”. The setup for the punchline. Normal people might think, “wow! Jupiter! I wonder what that will look like?” xtians only see xtian oppression and proof America’s slow decline into Communism and race mixing.
Faux-folksy chuckle – I actually admire their delivery. You can just feel the old folks sitting in their nursing home chuckling appreciatively and desperately trying to remember the joke so they can tell it to their nurse.
This is the one that is edited. I took out Jim’s recitation of the speech the godless Communist made which is all standard blah-blah and cut straight to the incitement to outrage of “get your reaction to that later in the broadcast.” News round ups need that punching up in case granny needs her memory jogged.
Taxpayers Paying For The President Doing Things That President’s Does – Whuh?? The President of the United States of America is going to travel around the country he’s the president of and talk to its citizens??? AND WE’RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT??? How fucking dare he! Spreading commie propaganda, promoting the homosexual agenda and denying the supremacy of Jesus on OUR DIME! What has this country come to?
It’s this kind of bullshit that makes me insane. As if Obama should pay for this out of his own pocket. Obama’s townhalls accept all questions. He does them completely unscripted. I believe he’s at his most powerful when he does them. All these wingnuts that say he can’t function without a teleprompter need only to watch a townhall to know that he’s actually better without it. What’s next? “OMG! Obama gets room and board at the taxpayers’ expense??”
Census Shows Gays Are Taking Over – Why bother to explain something when just stating raw facts with no context is so much more frightening? Gay households up 49% sounds like a lot…until you find out that the Census didn’t previously include gay households. Kinda puts that into perspective, huh? Which is why it’s not mentioned. The last thing you want is people feeling like the news may not be as horrific as it sounds.
Why Can’t We Teach People That Jesus Loves Blowing Shit Up? – When you need to hold a class to twist the Bible to support your agenda, there’s something wrong with your agenda. Thus the Christian Just War Theory class (“Hey! C’mon, you pussy! It’s just war“) shouldn’t really be needed. Since the Bible is God’s inerrant word, we should all be het up and raring to wipe out the infidel Muslims, Commies, yada yada. Of course, if you’re using the King James Version (commissioned by bi-sexual King James) it’s gonna come out all wrong. Instead, use the Conservative Bible Project’s version and all becomes clear.
Laws Against Lying Aren’t Christian – The case that wingnut girls over at the Susan B. Anthony List, rather than staying home and taking care of their kids and serving their husbands the way God wants, instead descend, harpy-like, on anyone they feel isn’t anti-abortion enough. They did this to Steve Driehaus, a Democrat who voted for the Health Care bill. Even though the bill does NOT include “taxpayer funded abortion”, the girls put up billboards saying that Driehaus voted for taxpayer funded abortion. In other words, they lied. It’s what Addison DeWitt would call “a stupid lie, easily proven.”
SBA claims First Amendment rights for “criticizing a politician”. But when does outright lying become criticizing a politician? SBA, like most wingnuts, screams to what they take to be the heavens any time someone challenges them. Like Jesus, they willingly climb on the cross, dripping blood on anyone foolish enough to come to close to them. Outside of the illegality of blatantly lying about your opponet, one would think that the whole “thou shalt not bear false witness thing” would come into play. You’d be wrong.
What amazes, amuses and saddens me about Crosstalk is just how far the rabbit hole they are. They do shows on how it’s in the Koran that you’re allowed to advance Islam with seemingly no clue as to how their actions mimic those of the heathen infidels. It’s the same thing with religious supremacy. While claiming that bloodthirsty Islam won’t rest until the entire world converts to Islam, they believe that they can’t rest until the same wicked Muslims that want to convert the world to Islam convert to Christianity.
Old Chestnuts Never Die – One thing you may not understand about Crosstalk’s special brand of xtianity is their deep and abiding hatred of any physical connection between body and soul. It’s just not ok. Wicked things like “yoga” and “feelings” lead straight to the pit of Hell. I’m not kidding. They’ve done whole shows on the evils of Christian yoga which, according to them, can allow you to relax to a point where Satan can physically enter you. Basically, the moment you start feeling ok about yourself is the precise moment when you sin. Brannon Howse once said that he wakes up every morning and hates himself…so that he doesn’t sin. I would think he hates himself because he’s a lying, scumbag race-baiter, but that’s just me.
Either way, Crosstalk never misses a chance to talk about how “new-age spirituality” and the apostates who love it, will no doubt bring down “the church” if they are not stopped and not stopped NOW. It’s really the same Pavlovian trigger as “communist” and “homosexual agenda”. The image of the earthy-crunchy devil worshiper with their beads and their crystals fires up the base as much a black man being president. So when some group comes out with the 10 billion beats to cure the world the through the power of a drum circle….well…I think it’s ripe for ridicule but it’s not evil.
HEYA! Let’s go to the phones! It’s really the main reason to listen to Crosstalk. The hosts and guests rarely match the level of crazy that Brother and Sister Xtian can bring. To wit -
I’d Rather Be A Terrorist Than A Commie – Mark came loaded for bear. He had a statement and he was gonna make it, gosh darn it! It doesn’t matter that it makes no sense. He mostly likely heard it last night at the bar. Note the conditional “if I was a Tea Party member”. That’s some commitment! Note, too, how pleased Jim sounds.
How Can Obama Push The Muslim Agenda AND The Homo Agenda? – What a great question! If Obama is the devout Muslim that Shirley believes him to be, how can he push the homo agenda when Islam (just like xtianity) hates gay people? My question would be “Why don’t we ever get pictures of him bowing to Mecca?” Shouldn’t there be tons of those? Jim can’t actually answer the question so he falls back on the “Muslims can do whatever they want to advance their agenda” line, effectively saying “do you expect consistency from the wicked Nation of Islam?” The question is answered by a caller later in the program. It turns out Muslims are using the homosexuals to destroy America and, once it’s destroyed, will kill all the gays. Clever!
They Want To Make Us Give Up Our Capitalism – I love the callers that pretend they’re actually sticking to the subject when they’re going somewhere completely different. I also love callers the define “the enemy” as everyone who is not them. Thus, the New World Order consists of Jews, Muslims, gays and pretty much everyone who is not American.
Exactly how would one be forced to give up their capitalism. I was pretty sure the whole New Word Order thing was based on capitalism. Right?
Uhhhhhh…Uhhhhhh…Uhhhhhh…I’m Crazy – Why is this best Crosstalk ever? Because, almost as if by (intelligent) design, they save the best for last. Daniel probably doesn’t get to talk to too many people because he’s busy cleaning he’s guns when he’s not collecting his socialist unemployment check and/or disability. You really have to wonder about folks who listen to Crosstalk and STILL have to ask what the “Muslim bible” is called. He’s not even functional enough to remember that. And yet…there he is. Think about the construction of his statement -
Uhhhhh….Uhhh…what’s the Muslim Bible called? Right. Uhhhhh…uhhhh…Isn’t Islam bad?
But the coup d’ grace comes with “the chemicals in our food are destroying us.” Where the HELL did that come from? Perfect!
I really can’t urge you strongly enough to listen to the whole show. Completely worth it!
I’m not ashamed to say I like country music. In my 80’s skinny tie why the HELL isn’t everyone listening to Laurie Anderson days I wouldn’t have been caught dead listening to country music. Or polka. Or any number of genres not deemed hip by the small circle of tastemakers I hung out with. A great part of my disdain for country music stemmed from my disdain for the people who listened to it – redneck, racist assholes chomping at the bit to tell me that if God didn’t kick my ass, they would. Add to this that Western NY State at that time found itself in the death grip of the Country Rock debacle and circle closed itself.
It was a tough stereotype to push through. I don’t care for organized religion, much less one based on infanticide. By logical extension, I’m not going to care much for their music.
So, you want me to try your God but you won’t try mine? That seems unfair.
Hank Williams Sr. prodded me along towards not snapping the radio off at the sound of a steel guitar. Driving through South Boston with some uber-cool actress I was doing a show with, her mixtape did a 180 and Hank tweeted in tweedily.
Comb your hair and paint and powder you act proud and I’ll act prouder
You sing loud and I’ll sing louder tonight we’re settin’ the woods on fire
I don’t care how jaded you portray yourself as, the song blasts the hell out of any wall of practiced ennui with sonic waves joy and happiness. And, since the first one’s free, I went out and bought a bunch of him a few weeks later. Still, it didn’t turn me into a Country fan. Just a Hank Williams fan.
The next milepost turned out to be Ray Charles, of all people. Ray Charles shocked his friends and admirers with his love of Country music. That’s right – one of the most soulful men on the planet, the man responsible for turning Gospel into R&B and a pretty decent heroin addict, too, had a major fondness for redneck music. When asked why he responded with awe, “the stories, man! Listen to the stories.”
That’s the key to country music – the stories. No other genre depends so heavily on first person narration of a story line. “Billy, Don’t Be A Hero” is told by a witness, not a participant. George Jones’ A Good Year For The Roses throws you head first into the end of a crumbling marriage and doesn’t care how uncomfortable you get
After three full years of marriage,
It’s the first time that you haven’t made the bed
I guess the reason we’re not talking,
There’s so little left to say we haven’t said
While a million thoughts go racing through my mind
I find I haven’t said a word
From the bedroom the familiar sound
Of a baby’s crying goes unheard
That verse alone ought to disabuse you of the notion that country songs are simplistic. Kick in the chorus and you’re talking a major artistic triumph.
What a good year for the roses
Many blooms still linger there
The lawn could stand another mowing
Funny I don’t even care
As you turn to walk away
As the door behind you closes
The only thing I have to say
It’s been a good year for the roses
This is John Q. Public watching his wife walk out the door, leaving him with the kid and the only metaphor he can use to process it with is the state of his yard. Country? Sounds pretty suburban to me.
The drama and angst of A Good Year For The Roses increases when you realize that he gives no cause for the break up. It doesn’t get more bare-bones existential than that. There is no path to redemption. No deus ex machina. In fact, no religion at all, monotheistic Christian OR polytheistic Greek.
Once you realize it’s the “the stories, man, the stories” only then can you start to dig deep enough to realize that the best country music is almost totally devoid of even the hint of God or redemption through his grace. George Jones is fucked. How’d he get that way? Doesn’t matter. Will he get better? Doesn’t matter. Will his prayer group bring over a casserole later tonight? Probably not. For the foreseeable future it’s him and the kid and an awful lot of alcohol.
This is mainstream Country. Or was before somebody got the bad idea that country-pop would be a good idea. The next thing you know, content went rocketing out the window like so many of Paul McCartney’s “silly love songs”. The fact is from the Carter Family onward, country music’s favorite topic was pain without redemption.
Another classic example – The Banks of the Ohio which tells the charming story of a guy whose girlfriend turns down his proposal of marriage so he kills her. The end.
I took her by her pretty white hand
I let her down that bank of sand
I pushed her in where she would drown
Lord, I saw her as she floated down
Returning home about twelve or one
Thinking “Lord, what a deed I’ve done?”
I killed the girl I love, you see
Because she would not marry me
This song was a HUGE hit. Seriously. Massively huge.
In many cases, the flower of Southern womanhood is, was and continues to be deflowered at an alarming rate. Frequently because they really just want to get laid like Kitty Welles does in I’ll Be All Smiles Tonight.
Another’s arms tomorrow
May hold him oh so tight
Tho’ there may be tears tomorrow
I’ll be all smiles tonight
Lynn Anderson plumbs the depths of utter drunken whoredom in Tell Me A Lie. Lynn the barfly, perches (or rather slouches) on the bar stool waiting for anything in a pair of trousers to take her home.
Tell me a lie say I look familiar though I know that you don’t even know my name
Tell me a lie say you just got into town
Even though I’ve seen you here before just hangin’ round
Tell me a lie say you’re not a married man
Even though I saw you slip off your weddin’ band
Tell me a lie say you got no place to stay
You’ll be glad to drop me off cause it’s on your way
Remember – when Sarah Palin talks about the good old days and “real Americans” these are the songs they flocked to. Songs of drunkenness, sexual depravity and unconscionable violence. And if . those very un-Christian (and therefore un-American) concepts aren’t good/bad enough, how about I’ve Never Loved Anyone More from The Best of Lynn Anderson? A haunting song in which she tells the one true love of her life that even though she found some guy she can tolerate, she’ll never love anyone more than him..aka – the guy she’s not married to.
Family values. What are they? Apparently, since I’ve stayed married to the same woman for twenty years and we’ve raised two beautiful kids that aren’t drug addicts, alcoholics, in juvie or had abortions my opinions about them don’t matter. We must be doing something wrong. Apparently because I listen to songs that out right say “I want to fuck you like an animal” rather than “I’ll be all smiles to tonight” I’m a bad person. It doesn’t take much extrapolation to see that those two lyrics mean pretty much the same thing. Is Kitty Welles smiling because she had very pleasant sex and got spooned afterward or because she had an earth shattering orgasm that shook the china off the shelves?
I’m guessing the latter. I’m guessing she took the Lord’s name in vain as she came.
Wait. Are you saying that sex plays a role in our society??
Logically, there is no such thing as a Democratic sex scandal. Democrats, according to those who hate them, AKA Republicans, are godless and immoral to begin with. Thus, ANY action they take is godless and immoral. To commit an act of immorality you need morals to begin with. We have none. With in the framework of the stereotype of Democrats anything is fair game.
Look at it this way. If a dog shits on your lawn, you’re pissed but it’s a dog. They shit where they please. Because they’re dogs. Their framework does not encompass privacy or a sense of shame for shitting in public. If a Democrat sends a picture of their junk to some college student, well, that’s not news either. Democrats kill babies. Democrats heart anal sex. Democrats want to legalize child prostitution. We want to give school kids heroin. So, IF Anthony Weiner sens a picture of his jean-clad dick to someone – it’s just not news. It’s the same as a dog shitting on your lawn.
Republicans and, sadly, much of the population of the US fail to make a distinction between the godless committing public sins and the Godly committing public sins. If you, as a Republican pass laws against sodomy, abortion and child prostituion and then go out out and rape a 14yr old girl, get her pregnant and then pay for her abortion – that’s a completely different ethical paradigm.
To equate priest sexually abusing a little boy with a junkie sexually abusing a little boy is simply dishonest. More so, because not only should the priest know better but those who either defend the priest or accuse the junkie should know better as well. Let’s muddy the waters a little. Let’s say the priest is a junkie. Ethically, the priest still knows better.
This lapse in plain common sense is the hallmark of wingnuts and xtians. Islam is condemned because Mohammed had sex with a little girl. Guess what? That was community standards at the time. The same held true in Europe.
Let’s take a look at two examples the Bible.
1. “Marriage is between a one man and one woman”. Not true. King David had wives up the wazoo. Lots and lots of them. He even had the husband of woman he wanted to bang killed so he could bang her…while he was married. And yet Americans decry polygamy. Even though it’s legal in the Bible they call the framework of this country. If Republicans actually believed in the Bible, like they say they do, John Ensign would have used the King David defense rather than resigning. “Hey,” he would have said at the press conference, “at least I didn’t have the husband of this chick I was banging killed. I’m a pretty good guy in the eyes of God.”
2. Kill your kids. The Bible says that you MUST kill your kids if they disrespect you. MUST. Gotta do it or you displease God. And yet…the laws of America, which according to wingnuts are 100% based on the Bible, has all sorts of outright prohibitions on killing your kids. To rephrase that – the laws of the United States of America directly contradict the Biblical laws it was founded on. This cannot be argued.
…………………unlesss………………..
Unless you take into account the community standards of that time period in history. Mohammed fucked a little girl. You killed your kids for disrespecting you. No jail time. In fact, Ggod patted you on the back and said, “well done!”
Anthony Weiner may or may not have sent a picture of his dick to some woman. This means nothing since it’s not a crime and if it were, Anthony Weiner would probably support a bill repealing it. If it were a crime, John Boehner would support the law because he wants, Roy Zimmerman so aptly put it, the government out of our lives and into our pants.” If Boehner sends a picture of his dick to some woman, he is a defacto hypocrite.
That was the most fun I’ve had in a while! Usually, telemarketers just get confused or pissed off when I fuck with them. I’ve actually had one call me back to tell me that I was rude. It’s rare when you get one that understands that they’re just there to effectively get paid to kill time. Thus, she and I had a lovely 10min convo about tourism, terrorism and my new vacation venture, Killton Hotels.
Her: Hi, can I talk to Mrs. Mulvaney?
Me: No. She’s not home.
Her: Is this Mr. Mulvaney?
Me: No. That’s her dad. I’m her husband.
Her: Oh. Ok. Well, I can talk to you!
Me: And you are…?
Her: I’m calling from Hilton Hotels. You and your wife are valued customers and we just wanted to see if you’d have any interest in going to Olando, FL on us.
Me: Orlando??
Her: Do you not like Orlando?
Me: Why would I want to go to Orlando? What’s in Orlando?
Her: Well…um..Disneyland? Universal Studios?
Me: Ewwwwww
Her: Not interested in that then.
Me: No
Her: What about Myrtle Beach.
Me: Nope.
Her: Miami?
Me: Nope.
Her: What kinds of places do you like to go to on your vacations?
Me: Oh…Bosnia. Haiti.
Her: What?
Me: Yeah!
Her: Sir? Um…are you kidding me?
Me: No. Not at all. We enjoy places that are off the beaten path.
Her: Are you in the Red Cross?
Me: No.
Her: Isn’t that…dangerous.
Me: Oh, sure. But that’s a lot of the fun!
Her: Fun? It sounds kind of scary.
Me: Yeah, it can be. We’ve been held for ransom a few times.
Her: Um.
Me: I mean, obviously, we always get released.
Her: Sure.
Me: Does Hilton have hotels in Afghanistan?
Her: I’m…not sure. I think we used to have some underground bunkers in Myrtle Beach.
Me: Are there terrorists there?
Her: Probably not. But we might be able to find you some or make accomodations.
Me: Nah. We’ve done the staged thing before. They always go light on the waterboarding.
Her: What about a video game or something?
Me: Ya know, VR has come a long way but they really haven’t gotten it to the point where you really *feel* like you’re drowning.
Her: Yeah. I’m from Hawaii and surfed since I was three. I know what it’s like to have water going up your nose. You’re right.
Me: Yeah.
Her: Still. Isn’t there any place you’d want to go to relax *before* you get kidnapped?
Me: Nah. Not really. That’s what the physical therapy is for.
Her: Just physical therapy?
Me: And pyschological, too. PTSD. But mostly putting joints back into sockets. Resetting broken bones.
Her: Yeah. I’m a boxer and I’ve broken my hand like five times.
Me: Yeah? See, I think you’d LOVE this kind of vacation. You’ve almost drown a couple of times. You break your hand on activities that interest you. I don’t really know why you’re poo-poo’ing this
Her: I see your point but…yeah…I like to relax on vacation.
Me: Look. You’ve given me a great idea for a travel agency called “Killton Hotels”. Can I interest you in a condo?
Her: OH MY GOD! You are so funny! I can’t wait to tell my husband about this call!
Me: Seriously. We’ll have Blackwater former Navy Seals ON STAFF to conduct rescue operations. You’ll be in danger, sure, but…c’mon – NAVY SEALS! You’ll be fine.
Her: I’m guessing that I’m not going to get you into Orlando.
Me: Yeeeeeeah, prolly not.
Her: Any chance at all?
Me: Naaaaaaah.
Her: Oh well. You know, I wish the mob were still in Las Vegas.
Me: Now THAT would be a vacation I’d be interested. Lunch with John Ensign just doesn’t hold much allure.
Her: I can see that.
Me: Yeah.
Her: Yeah. Ok. Well, if there’s nothing I can do…
Me: Yeah. Sorry.
Her: Ok.
Me: Ok. And you’re sure you’re not interested in Killton Hotels?
Her: Postive.
Me: Oh well.
Her: Yeah. Ok. Well. Thanks for taking the time to talk to me. This has been hilarious. You’re really funny. We’ll probably call back and harass you some time in the future.
What wingnuts want (and xtians and radical muslims, too) more than anything else in life is to rule the world. So strong is their belief in the correctness of their world-view that everyone else has the obligation to kill themselves or convert.
Before going on, let me explain why liberals aren’t on the list. Liberals are cats: they do what they want, when they want and regardless of the desire of the other cats. For that reason, liberal fascism is an oxymoran. (And, yes, I misspelled that on purpose.)
Teabaggers are a slow lot and for that reason, technology scares them. But, like cavemen discovering fire, they eventually get less scared and figure out how to harness it. Judson Phillips over at Tea Party Nation figured out that sending out an email every three hours with a scary subject line such as “USA RIP” and a body that reads something like
America died today. It no longer exists. What happened to America? Click here to find out.
drives up his web traffic and thus his sales of “Teabagging for Dummies” and Ayn Rand pacifiers.
The ever entertaining Christian Newswire recently delivered the following press release.
DES MOINES, Iowa, May 31, 2011 /Christian Newswire/ — Tea Party News Brief, LLC is the nation’s first nonpartisan news service for the Conservative Movement with an animated news show with news anchor, Ava. The Tea Party News Brief now provides daily news alerts on www.Twitter.com/TPNewsBrief. (Emphasis added)
I’m having trouble understanding this. Are there now partisan factions within the Conservative Movement? And if so, what are they?
Surprisingly, she wrote back.
Thank you for your question. The premise is that both Democrats and Republicans are involved in this 21st century Conservative Movement. We have common ground, the core beliefs identified on www.TeaPartyNewsBrief.com. The mission of @TPNewsBrief is to provide nonpartisan information so our citizenry can make educated decisions versus being told what to think. We have very few legitimate news services any more. Our mainstream news services are clearly partisan. We can do more together. We can hold more accountable for their decisions if we work together. I invite you to follow us on twitter and the website for a full understanding of what we are trying to do as a new source of nonpartisan conservative information. I hope this is helpful. (Emphasis added)
Really? Democrats are involved the Conservative movement? Maybe I’m running with the wrong Democrats but I’ve yet to hear one call Obama a socialist. Or compare him to Hitler. Or to claim that he’s from Kenya.
Once upon a time, say, three years ago, the “Tea Party” stood for fiscal responsibility. Or so they said. To that end, good for the Tea Party. It quickly became a front for anti-Democrat and anti-Obama demagoguery. Tea Parties rapidly filled up with racist and Nazi paraphernalia. Ask a teabagger why they weren’t pissed off about government waste during the bush administration and they won’t and can’t answer you.
I’ve spent a fair amount of time trying to rationalize how you can have “non-partisan” news about the “conservative movement”. I keep coming up short. Reagan’s 11th Commandment “Thou shalt not speak ill of any Republican” consistently gets in the way. Reagan, as the father of the modern conservative movement, would not allow non-partisanship. Take this clip from the GOP’s 1984 convention
Her comment about having “very few legitimate news services any more” piqued my interest. So, I asked
What is regarded as a legitimate news service
She responded in a Sphinx-like manner. That is, if the Sphinx were actually a hologram that you could see through and looked like Sarah Palin
If you follow the tweets, you will see that a news source is a source that provides the facts not commentary as if it is fact. If we provide commentary, we try to make it very clear that we are providing commentary. News is what, where, and when? If you have enough information, you can make your own conclusions.
Dr. Jessica Davis
P.S. I challenge you to analyze the next news program you see with this criteria and tell us what you conclude. Are they providing news or commentary? If they provide commentary, is it presented clearly as such?
The answer to “What is regarded as a legitimate news service?” contains actual new services rather than some vague statement of condemnation for the “lame stream media”. It seemed obvious that straight answers and non-partisanship don’t mix. Ever the optimist, I wrote back.
My question was – what do you consider a legitimate news source. Are you doing original reporting? If not, which new source will you rely on to be factual?
Can you guess her response? Can you? I bet you can’t. Come on. Click that PayPal button, drop in $5 and bet me that you know her response.
Thank you for your inquiries. This is our last individual response to you at this time given the limitation of our time. However, I again invite you to follow us on Twitter and www.TeaPrtyNewsBrief.com. As you already know, the best news is going to the source directly. Again, we have appreciated your questions tonight.
Shit. I owe you $5.
Given that my audience appeared ended, I threw in the towel
Thank you for not answering my question in a factual and straight forward manner.
NOTE: I would, in the interest of non-partisanship, like to point out that I spoke with the Dr. Jessica Davis the theologian and NOT Dr. Jessica Davis who is in manure management.
The following came to me from the BBN email address
From: Redacted
Sent: Thursday, May 12, 2011 9:16 PM
To: billybob@billybobneck.com
Subject: writer’s question
Hello,
I’m hoping you’ll help me out, please.
I’m writing a novel and in it are characters who are Republicans and those that are Democrats. I’m trying to come up with realistic discussions they might have together (if everyone stayed calm – hard to do!). Would you please help me with the Republican side? I have a Republican friend here in Boulder who has agreed to help, but the more brains I can pick, the better! I want both sides to appear sympathetic – to get them in a dialogue where they both make reasonable arguments.
So, for example, if one character says, “Republicans just want things to be fair.”
“Fair? Like what?” Carole asked.
“Fair – that the politically powerful shouldn’t make rules that screw the little guy.”
Would you personally agree with that statement? Can you please tell me what the character might say to explain – give examples of – that statement?
Or if Carole, the Democrat says, “Republicans generally don’t know it, but they’re being led by the super-rich, who want only to get richer. They want what’s best for themselves. They would rather make money than protect the earth, the poor, the children. They’d rather schools, poverty programs and clinics close down if it means topping off their own coffers. It’s a question of greed.”
What would you have my Republican character, Peter say to set Carole straight?
Finally, when my character Carole accuses President Bush of making up the existence of WMDs in order to go to Iraq to acquire control of that country’s oil reserves, what would a Republican character say to her to convince her otherwise?
If you have ideas for other ‘conversations’ my characters could have, I’m all ears!!!
Many thanks,
Andra Stanton
www.[a website about exercise for the infirm].com
==============================
From: Billy Bob Neck [mailto:billybob@billybobneck.com]
Sent: Thursday, May 12, 2011 7:37 PM
To: Redacted
Subject: RE: writer’s question
Lie-beral: Why can’t we kill babies in the name of Satan? The constitution says that we have freedom of religion and I’m a Satanist and Satan wants dead babies to appease him.
Republican: I know that you don’t understand what “morals” are because you don’t know Jesus, but what you’re talking about is immoral.
Lie-beral: So you’re saying religion is immoral.
Republican: No. I’m saying YOUR religion is immoral because it’s not a religion. If you are weren’t high on drugs all the time like your president is, you’d understand that.
Lie-beral: My religion mandates that I take as much drugs as I can. Satan says it quiets the screams of the babies we kill and blunts our senses.
Republican: I don’t take drugs because Jesus didn’t take drugs. I only have heterosexual sex in the missionary position for the sake of procreation because that’s what it says in Leviticus. So you can believe that my eyes are wide open when I tell you that not only are you hurting the country with your anti-American fake religion but you’re harming the country, too.
Lie-beral: I guess I hadn’t thought about it like that. But how can Jesus love me? Me! A baby-killing Satanist?
Republican: Just let him come into your heart and your sins will be washed away in the non-AIDS tainted blood of the lamb.
Lie-beral: I WILL! I ACCEPT HIM!
I hope that helps, pumpkin.
Billy Bob Neck
billybob@billybobneck.com
(617) 297-2463
God is Love!
===========================
From: Redacted
Sent: Thursday, May 12, 2011 9:16 PM
To: billybob@billybobneck.com
Subject: RE: writer’s question
Tonight, I don’t want to address “my fellow Americans”. Tonight, I’d like to address the Americans who hate me. I’d like address those Americans who for whatever reason felt it necessary, despite holding a US passport which requires proof that I was born in the United States of America, to say that I was not born in the United States of America.
Here’s the birth certificate that you want. Now go fuck yourselves.
Now, you’re going to say that it’s fake. You’re going to say that my “homies” in the “hood” needed two years to put together a fake birth certificate that could pass for real. You’re going to say because there’s no religion listed on it that if proves that my mom and dad were communists who raised me for the sole purpose of destroying America.
Amongst any sane country or peoples, this birth certificate would put an end to it. I know that it won’t. I know that this cottage industry that’s sprung up around the let’s-hate-Obama club generates too much money to shut down. And to those of you, like Chris Matthews, who said “well, just release it already and put an end to it”, I’m gonna say – watch and see. It’s not going to put an end to it because we’re dealing with playground bullies. You know how playground bullies act. It goes like this
Bully: What did you say about my mother?
Victim: I didn’t say anything about your mother.
Bully: My friend said you did. Are you calling my friend a liar?
And then you either kick their ass or they kick yours. Now, you can try to avoid it and just walk away and sometimes that works. You want to know why I spent “millions of dollars to keep it hidden”, that’s why. Because we both know that nothing I do will satisfy you. I gave you my short-form birth certificate and it wasn’t enough.
You’re going to continue your own personal jihad against me. You’re going to lie about every single thing I do. You’re going to say I’m a socialist. You’re going to call me a communist. You’re going to say I’m not a Christian because I didn’t make an Easter proclamation even though no sitting President of the United States of America has never made an Easter proclamation. You’re going to call end-of-life counseling “death panels”. I, like every other president, followed diplomatic protocol and bowed to the president of Japan. When I do it, it’s proof that I want to make America subservient to the rest of the world. When president Bush spread democracy to the Middle East he was doing the right thing. When I do it, I’m wasting tax payer money. When president Bush bailed out the banks he was saving the economy. When I bailed out the car industry it was proof that I was a socialist.
During the election, John McCain rarely wore a flag pin. Through some bizarre alchemy, that didn’t mean that he hated America. John McCain was born in Panama and yet nobody questioned whether he was American. I don’t really know how that works.
Today, as I release my birth certificate, the thing that those who hate me say will satisfy them that I am, in fact, eligible to be President of the United States, I have a very important message to them.
Fuck off and claim back into your trailers.
Now. To my fellow Americans – those who agree with my policies and those who don’t – is this the America you want? I’m not talking about foreign, domestic or economic policy. I’m talking about the kind of country that the rest of the world perceives us as. Right now, we look like idiots. And it’s not because of me. There is a book about to be released that claims to prove that I’m not eligible to be president. A book. A full length book. Jerome Corsi wrote a couple of hundred pages about how I’m not an American. Guess what?
Here’s my birth certificate.
Anybody wanna cancel their order on Amazon.com?
I’m gonna be honest. This hasn’t been easy for me or my family. It hasn’t been easy to see the citizens of the land of the free and the home of the brave so easily manipulated into believing lies. When I first considered running for the presidency, I knew what I was in for. I’ve dealt with it all my life. I’d like to ask each of you tonight to imagine the feeling of having organizations like Fox News and the Tea Party dedicated to personally destroying your character and talking about your mother.
To those who identify as Christians, I want you to grab a copy of the Ten Commandments and look at the 9th one. Thou shalt not bear false witness. After you’ve read that, I want you to go over www.worldnetdaily.com and read about how my mother was a whore. And how they know for a fact that when I say I’m a Christian that I’m lying. And then listen to Franklin Graham talking about how he can’t be sure whether I’m a Christian or a Muslim or an Atheist because only God knows that but that he’s sure that everyone that pays to get into his rallies are Christians.
Look. I understand that people lie. The Tea Party lies. Fox News lies. MSNBC lies. And I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I lied sometimes. I didn’t quit smoking. I’m not going to make good on my promises of standing with the unions. Apparently, I’m not anti-stupid war. But there is a fundamental difference between political lies and personal lies.
There are many in America that call the US a Christian nation. The ease with which Christians here turn their back on the Ten Commandments proves that it’s not.
I’m an American. I’m a Christian. I’m the President of the United States. If you don’t like me, vote me out of office. Otherwise, shut the fuck up.
[Note: The audio version of this will be available sometime soon on The Pod Delusion. Thanks to Salim Fahdley and James O'Malley for that.]
The impending release of the film version of Atlas Shrugged reminds me of one of the lowest, darkest and most desperate periods in my life. Actually reading Atlas Shrugged.
Looking back, I realize that I fit the social demographic perfectly – I was emotionally retarded. Just out of high school, friends with a lot of girls but with no girlfriend and having turned my back in mild defiance of Christianity, I desperately searched for some reason to explain why I always wound up on the losing end of things when I felt as if I gave so much. 21st century me now knows that I was simply an enabling co-dependent with low self-esteem and the solution lay in the halls of Al-Anon, a therapist’s office and perhaps some serotonin inhibitors.
20th century me, however, grabbed for the biggest, longest and most unwieldy book I could find to make me not feel stupid. At that point, it could have been any book, but it turned out to be Atlas Shrugged. During the summer of 1980 I devoured every line and possibly even masturbated to the image of sharp-featured, dominatrix Dagny Taggart. I knew nothing about objectivism or Ayn Rand or what a miserable human being she was. All I knew was that, finally, I found good, concise, well-reasoned reasons to tell the rest of the world to fuck off. I was, at last, better than everyone else.
And I’m terribly, terribly sorry for that.
If, for some unknown reason, you plan to see movie version of Atlas Shrugged, it’s important to arm yourself with this key fact – Rand was a loser who wrote books for losers. Objectivism isn’t so much about strength as it is about not being perceived as weak. It’s about BIG talk and BIG ideas and BIG actions that can only exist in a self-deluded world of fiction where silly things like “fact”, “logic” and “the laws of gravity do not exist.
Which is another way of saying it’s the perfect Republican bible. Or would be if Republicans didn’t already have a bible. But they do. And it’s called “The Bible”
And the two books simply cannot co-exist in the same philosophical space. Sorry. Just can’t happen. It’s like matter annihilating anti-matter – it ends in an explosion of stupidity and schizophrenia, which, now that I think about it, is the current definition of the Republican party.
If you’re unfamiliar with either books, here’s a brief synopsis.
The Bible: Book one – God makes everything. He tells the Jews they’re the chosen people and to obey him. They don’t.
The Bible: Book Two – God takes a different tack and decides to rule by guilt. He kills his son, a nice young man who tells us to love each other and help the poor, and condemns us to Hell if we don’t continually thank him for that. And then the world ends.
Atlas Shrugged – The world is going to hell, so all the smart people leave and set up their own cool kids club in a magical pristine canyon that nobody can find. They live happily ever after never having to care about poor people or clean up after the mess they helped create.
Notice any areas of dichotomy there?
Jesus – And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.
John Galt – Fuck the poor
Jesus – Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go [and] sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come [and] follow me.
John Galt – Fuck the poor
Jesus – Gimme some loaves and fishes and everybody eats
John Galt – If you think you’re getting any of MY food, think again, leech.
This is why America is so totally screwed right now – Right-wing Christian teabagging Republicans have the ideological hots for an amphetamine-addicted, atheist adulteress. The party that damn near closed my government down because women shouldn’t have the right to abortion because God don’t like it reaches for the Viagra when they read Atlas Shrugged. The party that whines about gay marriage as an affront to God has no such problem when it comes to Ayn Rand. The party that spits on me because I’m not Christian swallows when it comes to Ayn Rand.
After all, I’m not the one that said “Faith is the worse curse of mankind, as the exact antithesis and enemy of thought.” That was Ayn Rand
