Hbee Inc.

If you’re just an ordinary person trying to scrape by and don’t ‘t have a lot of time to check things out for yourself chances are good you find your “experts” and believe whatever they say. Despite the fact that Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council has a “good friend” that hires whores to dress him up in diapers, you’ll still believe Tony Perkins when he says don’t give money to left-wing, gay, socialist politicians. Despite the fact that Rush Limbaugh called for any drug abusers to go to jail, you’ll still forgive when he abuses drugs. Are there examples on the other side? Of course there are. But since the evangelical right never acknowledges their mistakes until someone holds their feet to the fire, then why should I?

The whole basis for the evangelical right (and I’m trying very, very hard to maintain some semblance of civility right now) is “truth”.  Not just “truth” but “biblical truth”. And not just “biblical truth” but unerring “biblical truth”. According to them only one “right” exists in the world. If you even acknowledge a second option in any question then you’re practicing “moral relativism”.  And that’s bad. Really, really bad.”  In their world, big-G God has one answer and one answer only. Of course, it depends on which sect of Christianity you belong to as to what that answer is. It’s simpler to quote their philosophy with a quote from David Mamet. “The other guy’s cigar always sucks.”

It’s that philosophy that allows them to hate the rest of the world and to decry “worldly things” simply because big-G God doesn’t, in their non-morally relative view, endorse them. Thus, they can decry mega-churches “diluting” God’s word in order to put butts in the seat while begging for money to keep their radio stations on the air. To put it another way – one side makes money from the folks who say “God is love” and the other makes money off the folks who say “God will destroy those who say ‘God is love’”.

One of the best ways to make someone believe something is through humility. Let me rephrase that. One of the best ways to make someone believe something is by listing all of the sins someone else is guilty of in the greatest possible detail and then saying that you don’t do those things.

Example:

There are a lot of ministers who, once the lights come down in the 10 million dollar mega-churches built with the money bilked from useless sheep that flock to their clarion call of sedentary salvation and moral relativism, think nothing of strangling little tiny baby kittens, freshly from their mothers womb and smearing their blood all over their faces. It’s not something I would ever do. Do I sin some times? Sure. We all do. We are of the flesh. I’m not holy. How can I be? But does that mean I can’t speak out about people strangling little tiny baby kittens, freshly from their mothers womb and smearing their blood all over their faces? No. It’s important that we do.

Another way is to tell your own sheep that if you’re ever wrong, all they need to do is bring it to your attention and you’ll apologize. Something along the line of this -

Beat Up Brannon Howse

That’s pretty straight forward, right? “I make a mistake, the Christian thing to do is admit, not make the same mistake and move on.” But built in to that statement comes a paradox. You worship someone because you believe they’re infallible. If you believe they’re infallible, chances are good that 1) you’re not listening terribly close 2) if you find some inconsistency then you’re hero is no longer infallible and 3) who has the balls to spit in Superman’s face. Because of these things, Brannon Howse can make these kinds of statements with 95% certainty that his audience will quietly accept what he says with even more docility than before.

What’s implicit in that statement is that it only applies to those who agree with him. He will only apologize to those who buy into his “world view”. Everyone else can, literally, go to Hell.

Proof – Of course!

Some quick background. Religious conservative and wingnuts in general love to point to Obama’s use of “czars” as proof that he’s really a communist.  In this paradigm, everyone who’s ever taken a bath is a Christian because you dunk yourself in water. The shell game works like this:

• Russia had czars
• The communists were Russians
• Communism is bad
• Czars are Communists

I’m not making that up.

Of course, the Communists overthrew the Czars. That makes Obama’s czars…um…not Communist.

Given this shockingly true information, a fair, thinking person would have to admit that the whole “czar” thing makes no sense at all. Right?

Wrong.

Did that sound like any kind of an apology? Did that sound like a man humbling himself before the truth? Or did that sound like a man struggling to maintain his hold on a lie that’s a central part of his hate?

Personally, I think the latter. Of course, as a moral relativist, I could be wrong

PS – Let’s see how legalistic his defense and/or defenders get. Legalism, btw, is also a bad thing. It’s either right or wrong and God decides.

Hbee Brannon Howser, CrossTalk, Dobson, Pure Evil, Republicana, VCY America, Wingnuts, xtians

The past couple of days, I’ve had some fun run-ins with some new wingnuts. I’m sure that nothing I offer raises any new pathologies to those familiar with this sub-category of humans but…

The aptly named Charile0 on twitter makes me happy that twitter got invented. Charlie’s xtian bona fides blow everyone out of the water and scream DON’T FUCK WITH CHARLIEZERO!

Christian, Conservative, Pro-Life, Teacher, Retired from State Police (civilian.) That means I am civilized.

There’s nothing like showing your hand. I don’t mean to imply that all cops suck because they don’t. But I’m pretty sure that Abner Louima and more than a few other alleged perps and mob bosses might disagree with that generalization. Charlie is the hyperfocus kind of wingnut on twitter. They find a victim they think they can beat on and bang away until they run out of steam…then bang away some more. After he evangelized to a few twitterbuds, I couldn’t help but jump in.  Especially when he started in about how God wanted him to to “sow his seed” even in infertile ground. How can you pass up a good semen joke?

Isn’t it a sin to waste your seed?

Hilariously, it took him a little while to understand the reference. Most of our precious time spent together consisted of him trying to suss out whether I was a xtian. They want to know since it really does affect how they talk to you. Apparently, dealing with a fellow xtian that disagrees with you calls for different rules and it twists their little brains into balloon animals to talk about pretty much anything outside the context of God. “You’re profile doesn’t say whether you’re a xtian”, he grumped.

Insight 1: Wingnuts constantly try to make you play by the rules that they make up. I honestly don’t mean to denigrate tw0-years but c’mon!  That’s like having a conversation about fruit and insisting that everything be put in terms of cantaloupe.

As he blathered on about “God” and the US and the troops he tried to take me to task about my “tcot hates America” avatar. (“tcot” for those of you who don’t know, stands for “top conservatives on twitter”. my own hashtag for them, Conservative Understanding Nothing Tangential, never took off.) it occurred to me just how powerful the wingnut echo chamber is.

Charlie0: why do you say tcot hates america?

Me: lemme ask you – do you support killing our own troops?

Charlie0: of course not!

Me: Yes, you actually do. haliburton has electrocuted several of our troops through faulty shower wiring and STILL got paid.

Charlie0: i didn’t hear about that

Really? And why might that be, Charlie? Maybe because your sources of “news” tell you that everything is running to plan and anyone who says differently is lying? Maybe, if you got outside of your lil Jesus-cocoon you might realize the “main stream media” is “main stream” for a reason – ie: they report on far more aspects of a story than Fox. You would like to think that if a contractor killed the troops that wingnuts say we hate they’d raise a fuss. Ironically, the only sources that really reported it were…the sources that theoretically hate the troops.

Insight 2: Wingnuts mis-read 1984.

Later in the week, I popped on the Facebook group I hate it when I wake up in the morning and Barack Obama is President. And, yes, it’s as horrible as it sounds. What brought me into it was one in a series about fake founding father quotes that are so popular with the brown shirts. The way it works is…well, you just make something up that advances your agenda and say a founding father said it. Take, for example, Billy Bob Neck’s entry

“We, as a people, must always remain vigilant that the Negro not attain office. It will signal the rise of communism” Thomas Jefferson

The most dangerous thing about fake quotes is that, like WMD, even after debunking they continue to be used. Picture Winston Smith busily modifying the “facts” to fit the current administration. In fact, even with such an obviously fake quote (which sadly finally got removed) it got at least one comment to the effect of – “I don’t care WHAT the founding fathers said, posting that wasn’t right!”

Again – back to Winston Smith.

Insight 3: Only Democrats do bad things.  If Patrick Henry turned out to be a serial rapist, wingnuts would find some way to mitigate the damage and would probably succeed. The lamest outrage against Obama is…golfing…twice during the BP crisis. And he did a bunch of stuff like campaign for other Democrats.  What he should have been doing, I guess, is sleeping in the oval office and pissing in jars until every last drop of oil got scooped up. Naturally, I’ve not heard one wingnut go after bush for not only golfing during the war but promising not to and doing it anyway. Obama would have gotten the same treatment if he’d cleared brush with bush in Crawford.

Insight 4: Even when blatantly shown the truth, wingnuts will continue the lie.  During my roll in the mud, I happened to call someone a “moran”.  To the politically astute, this is an obvious dig at the illiterate teabaggers and their even more illiterate signs.

Since very few teabaggers actually follow politics, preferring just to scream whatever they’re told to and wave guns around, he didn’t pick up on it. Rather, he criticized me for my spelling. When I pointed out that I actually meant to call him a “moran” and linked him to the source, he shut up for a little bit. Until someone commented on it. His response was not to just shrug it off. Instead, he said “Well, he said he did it on purpose but I’m not so sure.”

This is the most disturbing aspect of wingnuttery. It’s one thing to blindly parrot everything Fox tells you. After all, why would a politician lie? It’s quite a different thing entirely to, in a face to face interaction with a live human being, to reject iron-clad evidence simply because you’re on opposite sides of the political fence.  In general, I don’t believe most of what comes out of any wingnuts mouth. BUT. I usually take the time to research what they’re saying.  The only thing the teabaggers have done for America is make it ruder and more distrustful of its fellow citizens. They pervert almost everything they touch.

What started this all off was a “quote” from Abraham Lincoln.

“America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.”

He didn’t say that. He said something similar, true, but it apparently had too many words and wingnuts got confused so someone helpfully shortened it and turned it into “English”.  Plug the phrase into Google and you’ll get 1000′s of hits…all of them from wingnut websites and since it’s on so many websites, it must be real, right? It took some digging to get to the truth.

Lincoln is right, though. Even now, wingnuts actively work to literally change the historical record to fit their twisted, lop-sided vision of truth. And they don’t care if they’re right or not.

Hbee Navel (Gazing At)

45 And after Jesus and his disciples did leave
the sermon on the mount, Jesus did turn to
Thomas speaking thusly
46 “Did I not not tell you that enough food wouldst
be provided for all to eat? Did I not? Yea, verily,
I believe I didst, but, naaaaay, YOU insisted
there wouldst NOT be enough food.
47 “I guesseth that I was right and you were wrong,
you big pile of donkey dung.
48 Wouldst thou liketh more to eat? Plenty
remaineth shouldst thou still require food.
49 Although,it  didst occureth to me that thou couldst
stand to lose a several stone, if the truth be told.”
50 Then Jesus turned to the other disciple, saying,
“Wouldst thou not agree, brethern? Dost Thomas
not resembleth a fat sow, ripe for the slaughter?
Dost thou not think that several villiages wouldst
eat hearty and well for many cycles of the moon
off the flesh of him?”
The Book of Jesus – 8:45-50

Seriously. Who are these people? Do they have any concept of the life of Jesus? Are their lives so devoid of successes that every perceived success provokes a torrent of thinly disguised abuse and hubris?

The American Fucktard Family Association believes itself responsible for…well…the downfall of Ford Motors:

According to AFA, during the 24 months the boycott was in effect, Ford sales dropped an average of 8 percent per month. The organization said its boycott was not entirely responsible for the drop in sales, but played a very significant role. A total of 780,365 individuals had signed AFA’s Boycott Ford petition.

It had nothing to do with a floundering economy or job market tanking. No. It was all about the homos. Of course, AFA doesn’t want to boycott companies but if they’re going to keep insisting on this “all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights” bullshit, well…what choice do they have? In the world of xtianity there are only two options given to you by the Savior of Man – shit or get off the pot.

It’s pretty evident that not only was Jesus pretty passive-aggressive (“Oh, yeah? Then maybe I’ll just go and get myself EXECUTED for you – how’s that??”) but also petty and vindictive.

Again, from the Book of Jesus:

83 And after he did wash Jesus’ feet, the Savior did look at them and he did turn to John, saying
84 “Dost thou call this clean? Wouldst thou by any standard of heaven or of earth attempt to passeth this off as a ‘good job’? I am the Way and the Light! I have come to offer you everlasting life free of earthly pleasures and this is the thanks I get?”
85 And he did pusheth John roughly onto the stool, saying
86 “If thou be too retarded to knoweth the meaning of clean, alloweth me to show you.” Wherein Jesus did scrub John’s feet until they be bloodied and blistered.
87 And Jesus did laugh at John’s pain, telling him firmly, “Let this be a lesson to thee.”

As many xtians already know, Jesus sneered a lot. He was sarcastic, rude, bullying, denigrating and, above all, holier-than-thou. Thus, being “Christ-like” to an xtian is different than being “Christ-like” to an actual Christian.

Case in point? Oh, there are too many to count but for the moment, let’s use Gary McCollough who runs one of the funniest and/or saddest sites around – Christian Newswire. I’m guessing that McCollough probably gets a discount when he puts out a press release like “DeGeneres Hurt American Idol — I Told You So“. And indeed, he did

I propose that those behind American Idol view Lambert’s defeat as evidence of an underlying anti-gay bias among voters. As good community activists in the skewed world of Hollywood, this season’s change in judges was an opportunity to confront this homophobic bias. Thus viewers to the ninth season will get a steady dose of wit from one of the nation’s most well known lesbians, Ellen DeGeneres.

Personally, when I think of American Lesbians, I think of Eleanor Roosevelt but that’s probably just me. Like the American Fucktard Family Association, McCollough has no use for and no capacity to view reality because of the big Jesus shaped mirror he keeps in front of his face. He looks at himself and sees the world as he imagines Jesus would see it. I’m not sure at what point xtians teach their children that Jesus only hung out with the upper middle class and not with beggars and whores but it must be in the curriculum some place.  xtians care nothing about healing the lame and everything about laying the blame. It’s rare that that an xtian will step up to the plate and admit some wrong they committed against another. Pat Robertson, using slave labor in a Zaire diamond mine certainly doesn’t. He was great pals with the oppressive dictator down there…just like Jesus would have been.

McCollough, an xtian’s xtian if ever there was one, stands triumphantly pissing on the not-yet-dead corpse of American Idol because…he predicted it. Him. He. Gary McCollough. LESBIANS! It had nothing to do with American Idol’s falling ratings since season four, or Paula Abdul leaving or Simon announcing his departure. If ONLY they’d listened to him and had either a straight man or woman rather than a LESBIAN take over Paula’s place, they would have been back on top again. Stupid, stupid Fox. And, of course, McCollough follows the trend of LESBIANS on American Idol to its logical conclusion – pedophiles on Dancing With The Stars. Duh!

All of this really is just he basic xtian bullshit and had I not bothered to read the whole thing, I wouldn’t be writing this. However, this one paragraph jumped out at me.

DeGeneres’ “Yes, I have loved a woman,” comment from the May 11th show, was the most obvious lesbian-one-liner, but it wasn’t the only one, and it is hurting the show’s ratings. I can hear the bloggers loading their homophobe-blasters, but think this through with me.  If one of the judges was an abortion activist, or a political right winger — and continued to insert comments in line with their activism — the same criticism would be true, and the show would suffer. The advice, “Shut up and sing!” comes to mind [emphasis added]

“Shut up and sing” isn’t even code in the wingnut world. It’s a threat of violence and almost a rallying cry. It comes from a letter from some wingnut psycho in Texas sent to Natalie Maines, lead singer of The Dixie Chicks, threatening to kill her for exercising her First Amendment right to disagree with the bush administration. Seriously.

Am I saying that McCollough wants to kill Ellen DeGeneres (or, as Jerry Falwell, resting uncomfortably in Hell, called her “Ellen DeGenerate“)? No. Well, maybe he does. Rather, if he did, he’d consider it another in a series of proofs of God’s existence and/or hatred of the things McCollough hates.

Let’s make this clear – Jesus didn’t hate people. He wasn’t a libertarian. He wasn’t a republican. He was neither gay nor straight. If you read the actual Bible itself, rather than lazily allowing Dobson, Eliason, Perkins or Wildmon to tell you what’s in it, it’s pretty obvious that Jesus would never endorse the kind of twisted perversion of His message that Gary McCollough spews.

Have fun in Hell, Gary.

Hbee Blatant Assholes, Dobson, Gary McCollough, Navel (Gazing At), Vic Eliason, xtians

One of the things that always interests me is propaganda, especially how to sell an unpalatable idea to the mass public. How do you make healthcare a bad thing? How do you make safe food seem evil? Does learning actually hurt you?

Learning Makes You Less Godly

The most head-scratching come from neo-nazis, though. In the good ol’ days of UseNet, I’d troll alt.nigger sometimes and never failed to marvel at the inconsistency of today’s modern racist. One of my favorite threads concerned the legitimacy of fucking Halle Berry since she was hot and light-skinned. As Strom Thurmond proved, pussy is pussy and the penis knows no color barriers.

I’m collecting video for a personal propaganda project (you’re welcome) and in the course of it all got a little stuck on nazi stuff. It’s quite an accomplishment to drive an entire nation into the acceptance of genocide. Think about it. How do you convince the vast majority of your citizens that the only way to save the country is to kill the Jews? I understand genocide where warring factions have always been at war. I understand the Hatfields and McCoys. And, sure, Jews aren’t strangers to persecution.  BUT – the whole nazi thing boggles the mind.

Today, I got stuck on the video section of the Vanguard News Network. I watched Dolly Parton’s first TV appearance. Blonde+White+Big Tits=Good.

I found a folk song to the misunderstood Rudolph Hess

And then I found a category called “techno”.

Techno? I’ve heard a couple of rave mixes of Hitler speeches but those were meant to be ironic. As I looked down the rather short list, I found

Taco. Puttin’ on the Ritz. An Indonesian born Dutch guy, probably gay, singing a song written by a Jew. On a racist website. To spare you having to watch it, I’ll tell you why it’s there: Because there are a few shots of dancers in black face. That’s it.

It sums up most fanatical movements that they’ll turn their back on their entire ideology even for the tiniest crumb of validation. I doubt that they even know Irving Berlin wrote that song. Even so, in every conceivable way, that video reeks of non-white power. But there’s 30 seconds of black face, and I guess that enough

Hbee Blatant Assholes, Hitler, Nazis, Poor Stupid White People Blatant Assholes, Hitler, Nazis, Poor Stupid White People

So I just got a call from Citizens United asking me to listen to a message from Dick “Dick” Morris and then respond to a  “critically important” 1 question survey. Why not?

“Dick” came on the line and pimped the book he’s writing about how to take back America. Blah, blah, blah socialist…blah blah blah disarm the military…blah blah blah…WHUH?? Death panels? Did he really just say death panels? Why, yes. Yes, he did say death panels. That’s sooo 2009.

I knew I was going to wait for the survey, but the question was: How to respond? Should I talk to the little wingnut fucktard rationally? Should I say “fuck you” and hang up? Or…

[Rough transcript]

Sheila: Hi, Mr. Day? Did you hear the message all right?

Me: Yup.

Sheila: That’s great. So we have just one question to ask you. Do you agree with Barack Obama when it comes to socializing medicine, disarming the troops and promoting socialism in America?

Me: All in one question?

Sheila: [laughs uncomfortably] Would you like to take them one at a time?

Me: Yeah.

Sheila: Ok. What about socializing medicine?

Me: I think those death panels are disgusting.

Sheila: They are.

Me: I’ve heard from people that they can send someone over to my grandma’s house in the middle of the night, yank her out of bed by the hair, throw her in a van and then shoot her.

Sheila: They can.

Me: How can anyone DO that? I mean…how can you be the kind of person who -

Sheila: Well, his little….his…um…his…ya know…um…”small circle of friends” up there in Washington -

Me: Do you think they’ll shoot her themselves??

Sheila: Noooo…I doubt it. They’ll probably hire hitmen but they won’t call them that. They’ll cal them something nicer.

Me: That’s right!

Sheila: Uh huh.

Me: Can I ask you a question?

Sheila: Sure!

Me: Do you think they’ll have sex with the dead corpse of my grandma?

Sheila: I really don’t know

Me: I bet they will.

Sheila: Uh huh. What about disarming the military?

Me: I’ve heard that the whole reason they’re using GPS for the census is because when Obama lets the UN forces invade America that won’t be able to speak English so they’ll need to use GPS co-ordinates in order to find the house of Christians in order to kill them.

Sheila: Uh huh. I don’t doubt it. What about the troops?

Me: What’s Obama done for the troops, anyway? NOTHING.

Sheila: That’s right. All he’s done is ship more of them out!

Me: That’s right! And with what? NOTHING! He’s shipping out unarmed soldiers and putting them into harm’s way without any way to defend themselves.

Sheila: Uh huh.

Me: He’s disgusting! How are we supposed to win the war on terror if he’s sending MORE troops over to Iraq and Afghanistan? THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.

Sheila: (starting to catch on) Um….

Me: And how will they fight the Taliban when they’re unarmed? Huh? How?

Sheila: Uh….Yeah. I’d like to thank you for your feedback and

Me: Go fuck yourself, asshole.

Hbee Birther, Citzens United, Head Shaking, Republicana, Tea Party Nation, Teabaggers Birther, Citzens United, Head Shaking, Republicana, Tea Party Nation, Teabaggers

“Hey! A big piece of tin foil! Am I lucky or WHAT?”
Pee Wee Herman

This is one of my favorite lines from the original staged version of the Pee Wee Herman show. And if you haven’t seen it, then stop reading this and find it by hook or by crook. It’s a wonderful funny and real moment, capturing the joy and innocence of being a kid (albeit one that jerks off in movie theaters). I remember getting giddy finding a stash of rubber bands lying around and spending the next 3 hours working on my rubber band ball. I loved that feeling – the feeling of accomplishing something absolutely pointless, useless and selfish that did nothing to benefit society in any way shape or form.

Hey. Wait a minute. That sound like the teabaggers! “Hey! A big piece of hubris! Am I lucky or WHAT? Last week we had four people show up to protest BIG BROTHER trying to keep our food supply safe and this week we have FIVE people! WE’RE A MOVEMENT!” As any good ad-man knows if you even have one new person that shows up at an organized gathering, even to gawk, you can de facto say that the movement is growing. Nevermind the fact that you had to bus people in from out of state to make it happen (this after to you condemned ACORN for…um…bussing people from out of state). It’s all good fun until somebody loses an election.

I understand the paradigm. Really I do.  When I start pushing triple digits on this blog, I start getting…well, I get excited. However, I’m not claiming I have a hope in hell of changing public policy and that at some point in time the numbers will drift downward.   It’s called “facing reality” and the teabaggers, like Pee Wee Herman get big pleasure in small things…and then go and jerk off in theaters.

What have they got to crow about? Take a look!

You can see the power of the people in the results from our fundraising drive for Conservative Republican Sharron Angle’s campaign to Defeat Harry Reid.

While Reid and other establishment candidates get their money and funding from lobbyists, special interest groups and big corporations, we here at the Tea Party Express have asked individual Americans to step forward and help give Sharron Angle a fighting chance to get her message heard.

The response has been overwhelming.  You simply won’t believe it unless you see it with your own eyes.

Take a look at the list of people who have contributed $100 or more in just the past 5 days and see how we are using real grass roots power to take our country back!

Hm. Asking individual citizen for small amounts of money so you can avoid corporate lobbyists? I’m not sure but I think I’ve heard of that strategy before. But when? No matter, I’ll figure it out.

Still – an overwhelming response? Man! Good for you! That’s just great!  You guys must’ve really cleaned up. If Michelle Bachman’s opponent in the 2008 congressional race picked up a cool $438,000 for a congressional race in 24 hours, I can just imagine how much you guys came up with in 5 days.

Oh. I forgot the last part of the email

We have a long way to go to reach our goal for this $150,000 Money Bomb by Friday evening.  If you can support this fundraising drive with a contribution of $100 or more contribute  – HERE.

You didn’t reach $150,000 in five days? That’s just $30,000 a day.  And what a “money bomb”? And you’ve still got “a long way to go”? Um…being pathetic in front of your base is NOT a good way to sell your ideology. Still, they put a brave face on. I won’t bother to reprint the names of the 301 people that, over course of five days (aka: 60/day) contributed $100 or more since the teabaggers already did that.  What I will print is just how much these brave, brain damaged patriots coughed up.

$35,359

Seriously. As they didn’t print the final total, I guess they have some self-respect, although not much.

$35, 359. That’s a little over a fifth of their “money bomb” goal. Even better – They didn’t even get money from all 50 state.  Most notably and hilariously – Alaska!

Think about that for a second: No money came from Alaska. None. Or at least not in a chunk bigger than $99. Follow my logic on this

IF no money came from Alaska
AND Sarah Palin, the current Heather of the teabaggers, comes from Alaska
THEN Sarah Palin is too cheap/greedy/opportunistic/avaricious to give back to those who give to her.

Which, I guess makes sense because that’s what the teaparty comes down to – getting the rubes in the door, fleecing them and kicking them out of the street.

In order to reach their Friday goal they’ll have to scrounge up $29,000 a day. Given that about 84% of the donations were the $100, they’re gonna have to do a whole lot of teabagging to catch up. I guess they could try to get Sarah Palin to do a fundraiser for free but we all know that that’s not going to happen.

Oh, and if you’re curious about the 9 dollars – that’s because Gerard from Alameda, CA sent in $189. I’m guessing he kept that other $11 for overhead.

That’s what Dick Armey would do.

Hbee ACORN, Lovable Psychos, Sarah Palin, Tea Party Nation, Teabaggers Lovable Psychos, Sarah Palin, Tea Party Nation, Teabaggers

I remember a Focus on the Family around 5/22/06 where Bilbo Dobson and his comedy troupe screeched on and on about “moral relativism”. Apparently, it’s not only a stupid concept, but an evil one, too. You see, once you cast aside “absolute truth” you might as well start bathing in hot, burning lava to get used to the feeling since you’ll wind up in Hell. Communists believe in moral relativism. Democrats believe in it. Unitarian Universalists believe in it, too. Shit. I can smell the sulfur already.

What is absolute truth? Well…

1. God created the world in six days and the Grand Canyon was created by the flood waters receding.
2. God sent his son, Jesus, down to earth as a man so he could be killed by the Jews for our sins
3. Being gay is bad
4. If you disagree any of the above, you’ll burn in Hell

Sure, there’s a couple others, but that pretty much sums up the basic tenants of xtianity. Here’s a great example of an absolute truth via Back to Genesis put out by the Institute for Creation Research.

BTG – Why Creation

“But,” you might say to Dr. Morris, “isn’t that kind of a circular argument? Using the Bible to prove that the Bible is true? I mean, the Bible proves that the earth is the center of the universe, too, right? But you’d get laughed out of the institute for saying that. Ok. Maybe you wouldn’t because it’s yours. But you get my point.” Yes, that would be moral relativism.

If, for example, you try to argue that we should actually thank Judas for narc-ing on Jesus since otherwise we couldn’t have been saved from sin then you’re engaging in moral relativism. Similarly, if you ask about the validity of a religion started by glorifying the breaking of one its parent religion’s 10 commandments (“Thou Shalt Not Kill”), that, too, is moral relativism. But I’m being inarticulate, here. Listen to this, instead.

True For You

See? Either you have $5000 or you don’t. Either the Bible is true or you’re going to Hell.

And yet…xtians engage in moral relativism all the time. Case in point – yesterday I called up my buddies at Crosstalk to ask them to take the Anti-Socialist Teabagger pledge and refrain from using socialist services like libraries, parks, sewage facilities, electricity and eating any food that the government subsidized. However, I made two mistakes. Firstly, I stopped talking. That’s a big no-no. As soon as you stop talking you get hung up on. Secondly, I got waylaid by the fucktard going on about how welfare turned all black kids into criminals. He vomited up the lie about how rich a black women could get at the taxpayer expense by sitting on her ass having babies and before I could tell him that most recipients of welfare were white, well, I got hung up on.

Thinking they might have a thread on the Crosstalk Blog. They didn’t. But they did have a post allowing xtians to talk about how shitty Mexicans are and how their grandparent came here legally and didn’t sneak across the US/European border to here. One woman said that the Bible said nothing about immigration or illegal aliens so she could hate them all she wanted without having to ask God’s forgiveness. I was pretty sure this wasn’t true, having gotten about 1/2 way through the ol’ Old Testament and, sure enough

Exodus 22:21, You shall not wrong or oppress a resident alien, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt.” Reminding the people of biblical Israel that they had been slaves in Egypt

Leviticus 19:34 The alien who resides among you shall be to you as the citizen among you; you shall love the alien as yourself, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt; I am the Lord your God.

Hebrews 13:2 Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.

The angels quote got me thinking. I’m reading/listening to The Odyssey at the moment and the other gods (the fake ones) loved disguising themselves to get the skinny on the mortals. That led me to think about how the anti-abortion morans love pulling out the argument that “you may be killing the next Mozart or supreme court justice that will overturn Roe v. Wade”. (Of course, you could be killing the next Hitler or Ted Bundy, too). It occurred to me that  xtians have none of this compassion for illegal children. That they might be deporting the next Mozart or supreme court justice that will overturn Roe v. Wade.

And, so I submitted my comment, which got held for moderation. And then deleted.

I’m not sure how much you know about xtians bu they are (especially the white ones) persecuted at every turn. No one allows them to speak. They have no voice anywhere in the world. All they get is silenced and disrespected. As one pious xtian correctly noted

if America were being invaded by right wing Christians the Gov would be offering a bounty for each captured

It’s true! America hates xtians. All America cares about is killing babies and getting free sex change operations. If I censored xtian comments on this blog (which I don’t and won’t), I’d be persecuting xtians. But when Crosstalk does it, it’s “defending the faith.”

Which sounds a lot like moral relativism to me

Hbee Mat Staver, Teabaggers, VCY America, Vic Eliason, Wingnuts, xtians Mat Staver, Teabaggers, VCY America, Vic Eliason, Wingnuts, xtians

Hbee Navel (Gazing At)

Say whatever you want – I still smoke. I know it’s not popular. I know it’s not good for me. Let’s leave the morality and ethics out of it. Since I smoke, I buy cigarettes. I try to be economical about it and find the lowest price. The guy who owns the store around the corner isn’t happy about it but, from a capitalist perspective, he should lower his prices.

At the moment, CVS has the lowest price so I go there. Helpfully, they also have my favorite mints to combat the horrible, foul, nasty, stinky breath I have after I smoke.  Unhelpfully, there is Willard.

The process of buying cigarettes is simple. You ask the sales clerk. They put them on the counter. You give them your money. You leave with your drugs. It’s like buying most things in America. Since it’s a regulated commodity, rules exist to keep them out of the hands of kids and I support that. Maybe if it had been harder to buy them, I wouldn’t have started smoking. Whatever.  It’s in the past.  Mass. law instructs those who sell tobacco products to check for ID if the person looks under 27. It’s not a bad gauge.  Selling cigarettes to a minor is $100 for the first fine, $200 for the second and $300 for every offense after that. I completely understand. And if I walked into a new store in a new town where nobody knew who I was, I’d be annoyed about getting carded but somewhat begrudgingly compliant.

HOWEVER

If I go into, say, a CVS just down the street from my house, almost every day for years and years, I’d hope that the employees might, if not know my deepest inner thoughts, hopes and dreams, at least know my face. It’s part of friendliness. It’s part of service. It’s one of the small things you factor in when deciding where to go for a meal or to get keys made or to buy cigarettes.

Willard doesn’t understand this. But then again, Willard is in his late 60′s, clerking at CVS and doesn’t outwardly appear retarded. So Willard cards me every goddamn time. And I mean every time.  The first dozen times I gritted my teeth and went with the “he’s just doing his job” rationalization. After that, though, it started viscerally pissing me off.

I mean – what the fuck? I know smokers a figure of disgust for the vast majority of the country. My own sister figuratively pissed on me for it. The number of people that cough ostentatiously as they pass us on the small plot of land designated as the “smoking area” on the street (and frequently it’s right next to a dumpster) would break a scientific calculator. I always wonder about those people – is their self-righteous egotism so highly developed that you can influence a stranger just by coughing at them? “Oh, shit! I never realized how my smoking affects a woman so morbidly obese she has to use a cane to walk! Or that gentleman  from State St. bank who hitches up his ironically name “cigarette boat” to the back of his Humvee so he can get drunk and commune with nature in his vacation home in New Hampshire. What was I thinking!!??”

The answer is, of course, yes: they honestly do think their rudeness holds sway over us.

My own personal theory involves Willard as radical anti-smoking activist. He wants to make it a difficult as possible for any smokers to get their drugs. It makes them think about it – about all the effort they had to go through and the more times it happens, the more of a chance they’ll leave the store and say, “gosh, is it really worth all that effort?”. And one at a time, they’ll all quit and Mary Baker Eddy will rise from her grave to personally thank me. Yes. I’m doing the right thing. But chances are good that he’s just some 60 year-old guy  who loses jobs because he follows the rules far too closely.

Today Willard carded me for the last time…or least he better have. No, I didn’t kill him. Instead, when he carded me, I simply asked the question that any normal non-eighteen looking person would ask – “Are you kidding me?”

“No, sir,” he replied with firm politeness. “In order to sell you cigarettes I need to see some form of identification.”

“You’ve seen my identification. Numerous times. Do I look under-aged to you? Really?”

“Sir,” he said, channeling his inner, officious doorman, “in order to sell you cigarettes I need to see some form of ID.”

“You realize that you’re the only person in this whole store that cards, right? The only person. Nobody else does. To everybody else, I don’t look eighteen. I look 47, which I am.”

“Well.” He turned the smugness up to 11. “Then I’m the only person in this store that’s not risking getting fired.” He pointed to the cameras in back of them. “The cameras watch everything we do and I’m not about to risk getting fired.”

Now that looks creepy on the page, but I assure you, he didn’t say it in a tin-foil hat kind of way, as if the cameras always watched him even when he slept. He said it boastfully, as if he were on some CVS version of Survivor and his mad carding skillz set him apart from the rest of the employees. He would be the Last Clerk Standing when (as I’m sure they do) management sits down at the end of the shift and watches every single second of the tape gathered from the shift that just ended.

Instead, I left the smokes on the counter and said I’d go somewhere else.

“That’s just fine, then, sir,” he told me as if he’d proved that he was incorruptible and that, as a CVS clerk, he refused to get pushed around.

I went home and called the store.

The manager sounded slightly exasperated when Willard’s name came up. I’m pretty sure that people call about Willard…both pro and con. He explained that store policy dictated taking no chances and carding everyone…but…he agreed that regular customers should be treated like…well…regular customers.  Willard would be spoken to.

Now, before you start making sarcastic comments about my “bravery” and “moral fortitude”, think about this:

Every Friday you go out to lunch at the same place. Everybody there knows you. And every Friday you order a beer. The same type of beer. And every Friday, the waitress asks you to prove that you’re old enough to drink.

How ya gonna feel?

Hbee Navel (Gazing At)

One of the things I love about the category “other” is that you never know what small gems you’ll discover.  I found a Little Marcy record (and, what the fuck?? She has a myspace page??) in a thrift shop in Rochester, NY. I found a Zippo lighter with Saddam Hussein as the ace of spades in a swap meet in North Carolina. And, browsing the “other” category on The Pirate Bay, I found a video title and piqued my interest – “Jews Pose as Militia for Staged Hoax.mp4“. With a name like that, how could you resist.  (Well, ok, many of you could resist, but you get my point.)

The point of the video was that the Hutaree Militia, rather than a bunch of fucked up xtians obsessed with overthrowing the government, were actually a bunch of Jews trying to make real fucked up xtians obsessed with overthrowing the government look bad. Yeah. That’s what I thought.  HOWEVER, in the video, they show you the proof that it was a bunch of Jews who formed the Hutaree Militia in 2008 because since they control everything they knew that Obama would get elected and the best way to ensure Jewish socialism was to make honest, God-fearing patriots who want nothing more than to install Sharia Biblical law in America by killing a bunch of useless politicians look like a bunch of lunatics.  Weird, huh?

So, what’s the proof?  Look below. And click for a larger image.

See the red X? That means an image can’t be found on the server. It’s a pretty easy mistake to make. Either someone rushed the coding or didn’t upload the image to the server.  It happens all the time. It’s rarely relevant but that didn’t stop the nice Nazis at Subverted Nation from smelling a rat (their name for Jews) and finding out the the missing file was actually a jpg of a Star of David.  Which, of course, proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that for 2+ years these Jews pretended to be fucked up Armageddonists quietly whiling away the hours waiting until the time was right for the FBI to catch them just as they were about to strike.

And I have to admit, my eyebrows raised slightly until I started this crazy thing I do that I call “thinking”. Now, I’ve been known to do a little trolling here and there but this is a bigger investment of time and effort that most people I know have the stomach for. But let’s say they’re working for Israel. They’ve got a pretty crack team of spies. The thought that they’d play a little joke by planting a Star of David on the homepage makes no sense whatsoever. It would makes sense to hide messages inside the pictures (which you can do for free) like “we really DO control the media…hahahaha) but to do something so blatant…I don’t buy it.

And then there’s this little thing called www.archive.org which allows you to look at past revisions of web pages. Plug in the URL of the site you want to look at and, bah-boom, there it is.  For various reasons, it doesn’t get all the whole history. In the case of hutaree.com it goes up to May of 2008 and for our purposes, that’s enough because the last revision of the page oddly has no Star of David. Indeed, thanks to Google Chrome’s “inspect element” feature there’s not one “star” or “david” to be found. Yet, conveniently, some time between 5/08 and 3/10 some puckish little Jew played a prank on everyone?

It’s possible, I guess. But it’s also possible that the Hutaree Militia planted it there themselves and went crying to the Nazis…who it should be noted should have suspected a double-cross because Nazis, if you hadn’t heard, don’t trust Jews.

Hbee Navel (Gazing At)