Hbee Inc.

So, as I passed through the tolls on the Mass Pike, I saw the light saying “Call Fast Lane” but I just kept forgetting to do it.  We assumed that our Fast Lane account was on a credit cardt that expired.  Naturally, a letter showed up today with a violation.  So I called the Violations Dept.

The first thing she asked for was my account number.  I frantically scanned the paper looking for it, stuttering and stalling as I did.

“Why don’t you just give me the plate number,” she said.

That done, it was quickly discovered that…I had a violation.

“You have a violation,” she said.

“Ok.  Now what?”

“I’ll tranfer you to the payment department.”

Huh?  They have separate departments for this?  So, that’s where my money is going!  I always wondered about that.  I thought it was going towards something stupid like fixing the Big Dig but instead it’s going toward poorly planned beauracracy!  Go figuh!

Once in the payment department, we’re back to the account number dilemma.  This time we go with name and address to figure it out since I still can’t find it on the violation notice they sent.  Name.  Address.  And then…

“…and what’s your PIN number,” she says pleasantly.

“Huh?”

“Your four-digit PIN number.  I’ll need it to access your account.”

“I have a PIN number?”

“Yes, sir, you do.  You set it up when you set up the account.”

I searched my brain for any clue as to what it was.  AH!  Part of my old bank PIN number before hackers stole it and I had to change it.  But…what was it?

“Umm…6402,” I guessed.

“Those are the right numbers, but in the wrong order,” she told me.

“OK.  4620?”

“Nooooo.  Try again,” she urged.  She really did want me to succeed and with four digits there were a limited number of permutations.  This was her job so she had all day.

“6204,” I said definatively.

“Mmmm…no.”  Sympathy filled her voice

“Look,” I said, not wanting to open up notepad and map out the sequences, “can’t I just give you my social security number?”

“I’m sorry,” she said and she meant it, “you have to give us your PIN.”

After a couple of more tries, I got it and both of us felt pleased.  We worked everything out.  I would, she told me, have to fill out some forms that Fast Lane would mail to me.

“Let me give you your account number.”

“That would be great,” I said, “I’ve been looking all over this violation notice and I can’t find it anywhere.”

“Oh,” she said brightly, “it’s not on there.”

Yes.  She said that.  The Mass Pike does NOT include the relevent account number when they send you a violation.

“That’s stupid!”

She laughed.  “You’re right.  It is.  Here’s your number and have a great day!”

Hbee Navel (Gazing At)